Cabin Fever

I have cabin fever today.. but oddly I do not feel like I want to stray away from my nest. Apart from dinner this evening, most every thing that needs doing is done - I have even made yogurt and it is doing the happy fermenting thing in a small esky. To alleviate some of the cooped up feeling, I decided to eat lunch outdoors, so here I sit with a tuna sandwich and some home made ginger beer and the laptop.. laptops with wireless connections are a luxurious blessing, one I am pleased to have.

Sitting here today, I could almost forget that I am a Pagan in the burbs. I can hear the gentle bubble and tinkle from the wee water feature and wind chimes beside me, my little finches are making cheery beep beep noises as they construct their nests in the small aviary behind me, the two budgies Archer and Merlot are sharing whispered secrets as they take turns ringing a small bell, almost like clearing the air.

A Willy Wagtail is chittering off in the distance and I can imagine that wonderful little tail flicking ritual they do even when standing still. Sacred Temple Cat is chasing a white butterfly through the shrubs by the fence while Mister P is sun bathing on the pavers, a gentle sea breeze blowing off the Indian Ocean is stirring the white strands of fur on his ears. There is the wonderful smell of warm, freshly watered earth mixed with the heady fragrance of Jasmine and now rosemary as the cat brushes through it.

All of my Goddess given senses are being touched by the blessings of the elements of Nature.. Fire, Earth, Water, Air it is something that if one is not careful, you can loose sight of when living in a city or the suburbs... I read something this morning that came from a post on a group I belong to.. basically it said that if we do not put time aside each day for our spiritual walk, then our mundane lives will take it away from you. I'm not sure I fully grasp the theory of us all being "tested" by the universe to see if we really want to walk our chosen path, but I do believe that which we don't use we loose. Lately, I have been rather insular and not in a good way, so I am glad I could take a minute to come out here and feel the Goddess about me... the warmth of the day on my skin, Earth beneath my feet, water on my lips, the wind on my face and love in my heart.

Pay It Forward

I have just finished reading a wonderful post over at Rinas blog Our Slice Of Heaven Now Rina has another blog called Past and Present where she wrote about helping others to settle in Australia when they come here from South Africa.. While I have not moved here from a troubled or war torn country I did immigrate to Australia to start a new and better life and do understand the trials and tribulations of getting used to a new land and culture, now I'm not sure I have done anything quiet like Rina, in helping other immigrants, but I have in the past fostered troubled teens and earlier this year welcomed another woman's children into my home to raise as my own at a time when I thought I would settle to being a Grandmother and not a mother again after so many years.. Maybe this is not paying it forward exactly... but I am going to take on Rina's Pay It Forward challenge.
From here
I will make a handmade gift for the first 3 interested people who comment on this post. I have 365 days to do it in. What it will be and when it will arrive is a total surprise!
The catch is that you must participate as well: you must have a blog and before you leave your comment here, write up a pay it forward post on your blog to keep the fun going. Just cut and paste this one if you like, which I did. *Change the From "here" link above to now link to my blog on your new post.
Bright Blessings

Curve Balls

It is Sunday night here, the family have been fed on freshly made light rye sourdough still warm from my oven and the last of the tomato soup, that I made and froze some months ago.. today I have tried to stay busy with a few cleaning jobs, some bread making, putting together a couple of litres of yogurt and a bit of gardening. Friday night was a late one to bed, 12.30am and I slept poorly when I finally dozed off, I woke at 5am and felt quiet poorly with crampy tummy and nausea, it is still not 100% I'm not entirely sure if it was the commercial bread I ate on Friday lunchtime or the phone call I received on Friday night, maybe a combination of the two.

As a mother, we want the best for our children, no matter their age.
We want them to achieve and accomplish the goals they have set for themselves and watch them raise their families.
It matters not how old they are or how young they are as parents we still hurt when they hurt, we want to protect them from some of those lessons in life we have learnt and been burnt by, and yet, we can not. When life throws them a curved ball, we can't catch it for them... all we can do is help them back onto their feet when it hits them and at times us squarely between the eyes. Nothing can really prepare you for the time when you hear their voice break with hurt, over thousands of kilometres of phone line. This is what happened on Friday night.

When I heard the phone go, I thought it was Sarah telling me she was home safe after the Seal concert she had been too, the last thing I expected was her brother calling, as it was nearly 3am in his time zone. The call has left me feeling very sad, for him and for our family. He rung to tell me he and his wife had separated, I "felt" something wasn't all ok when he was here for the wedding several weeks ago.. and got a stronger sense of this 2 weeks ago. .. long story short it is irreconcilable and mutual. I didn't ask him why, he is an adult and if he wants to tell me he will... In the mean time I will love him through this as best as I can.
He is going to come over for awhile to recoop and clear his head, when he was here last with all the preperation for the wedding we had very little time to sit and talk.. it is my hope that with the support of his family over here, he / we will get through this and come out stronger for it.

T'is the season

I have sat a couple of times to write a few lines in my blog here, but when I opened it up... big juicy blank'o. Some of this feeling, is that icky wishy washy feeling that creeps into me poor wee head when pollen is a foot. Poor Miss C is suffering as well... trying to find alternative treatments for Hay fever has been a challenge, so much so that we have reverted back to paying a visit to the chemist shop. I so do not like snorting chemicals, but this spring has been worse than any I have suffered in the last 5 years.
I had thought it was something I had been doing, a change in washing powder ( no I'm not quiet at the stage of making my own yet) was it the fact I turned the air con on the other day when it reached 39c here and the kids were both melting..... but noooooooooo and I have to admit I was pleased to find it wasn't me, but the reason was the season, apparently according to the news, yes it was news worthy, it is the worst pollen season in a very long time. More so when the wind is blowing in from the East, across desert plains, bringing with it invisible sneeze makers.
It is a wild flower season here in Western Australia, and they be full of pollen......they are gorgeous and tough managing to survive where little else does...believe it or not people join tours from all around the worldd to come and see the wonder of the WA wild flowers... they are a State treasure and it is a serious no no picking them either.I first encountered Western Australian wild flowers, on our drive last October from the East Coast to Western Oz, on the third day of driving we hit Coolgardie/Yellowdine which happens to be in some pretty arid no whereness but I digress... out of this desert no whereness, bloomed amazing expanses of the prettiest, flowers... I have found a couple of piccies on the web, to show you the wonder of a land that is hot, dry and beautiful.. even if it does contribute to Miss C and I having sneezy wheezy bonding time. Some relief is sort from this blizard of pollen whent he wind chances and the 'Freeo Doctor' blows in off the Indian Ocean.. *smiling* and this Doctor is the best medicine.

Image Source: These photos are off the web, credit would be given if I knew the photographer, I do not claim copy right to these.

I'm guest blogger at Mrs B's

Several weeks ago Mrs B from Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom, asked me to be a guest blogger for her on a special blog she was putting together. I was delighted and very honoured to be asked to contribute over on her site's 31 Days of Halloween.. It's a truly amazing blog and I do love to visit. You can check out my post over there and all the wonderful things Mrs B shares, over at Guest Blogger: 3 Days of Halloween.

Rise and Shine

I got yanked out of a peaceful slumber this morning by an alarm set 20 minutes to early..uh huh 20 minutes can make all the difference to my abilities at remaining sane while uncurling myself to the world, but also by an alarm whose dial had been bumped to ear deafening proportions! I did take comfort in the fact that the culprit was also left with heart palpations after being propelled out of bed by what seemed to be an ejector mattress. It was amusing, very amusing and while I am not one to shriek revenge, sometimes payback can be a tiny bit sweet...
Since I was awake and filled with mirth at 5.30am, I decided to put the day to good use. By 9am, children were fed and packed off to school, several battles with a dragon had been fought in Castle Age *insert suitable shamed face* yes on Facebook (justification-I was eating breakfast at the time), two loads of laundry were done and flapping in the breeze, and a cup with yeast was bubbling on the bench ready for the days bread, which Dh said had to many seeds attached to it last time pffft - today I put the decoration on the inside he doesn't seem to notice them then.
I also got around to making the toasted muesli I posted about last week. I really enjoy making my own... knowing what's in it and mores to the point, I know what's not in it! It is like reading an industrial chemists handbook when looking at the contents of some packet food at the supermarket., some of those words I can't pronounce never mind know what they, and we as a nation eat this stuff.
For sometime now, about a year, I have been having stomach problems. Mainly some pain and nausea, I succumbed and went to a Dr who after numerous tests and ultra sounds could find nothing, he wanted to treat it as an ulcer with no proof that it was..go figure, so it had to be what was going in. It has been some what better if I do not eat too much processed food, I could be barking up the wrong tree but for now it's working for me along with some probotics.
Making my own bread, muesli, yoghurt etc is also about making good choices for my family and for the environment, and while I am just one person, I do like to think I am making a difference in some small way.
I have posted the recipe for this muesli over on The Witches Kitchen

Total Weirdness

The weekend has been a bit of a hit and miss affair, seriously weird in fact. There hasn't been any of the wonderful domestic and pre nuptial bliss one would expect after a mere 4 weeks post marriage. I think we need to put it down to me still not feeling 100% phiscally well, the build up to it all the wedding preperations, and normality kicking in with my Dh back being back in uniform after a months leave all the while feeling like he hasn't had a break. We decided around lunch time to take a few deep breaths and stop butting heads and take a minute to re group, funnily it worked..yes I can be a slow learner.

So with the children banished on their bikes to far off places, more likely under a tree in the local park, we decided to go out into the garden. I walk very slowly around getting D into the garden, he is not a gardener, doe's not have green thumbs and cringes at the very mention of it.. however today we pulled down all the old sweet peas and the trellis it was on( another pleasant surprise was his making of said trellis) and erected some rattan type fency stuff.. pure cosmetics, the grey slate looking fence is just plain butt ugly. I plain to grow some beautiful big summery sunflowers there. I really wish I could grow vegetables in this ground as well as I can some flowers! I used to use old ammunition boxes as veg planters back East and I grew beans, and English spinach in them, over here narda, diddly squat grew and I refuse to pour more money into the garden beds, as we have no idea how long we will be here, and every time I tried since being here it failed. You really need a lot of compost, it you move back the mulch it is pure sand.. like on the beach sand.. Miss C gets bored and moves back the mulch and makes sand castles in it, no seriously, it's true. All these houses are built on left over sand dunes, it is an old WWII ordinance site..
One more try though, this time I am going to get a couple of old deep tubs and put a couple of tomatoes in, if they fail to grow I shall hang up my green thumb protectors until we get to a place, out of the hot winds and arid sand.. *smiles* someone suggested chili plants... and I may just take her up on the idea, thanks Aeris

Balmy Spring Days

I was blown away by the day here today.. 30c the sky was pristine blue and cloudless.. and a wonderfully warm wind blowing in from the East, *smiling* made all my witchy bits tingle - and I got taken to lunch, what a treat. My DH managed to get off base early to take me to lunch. It was such a treat and the first time we have had together alone since we got married/hand fasted mid September, a real date. We don't eat out often so it was easy today to say let's go. We went to an old pub owned by an old bloke from Liverpool, I drank genuine English scrumpy on the veranda, before eating fresh snapper and prawns with garlic, so yummy. The company was wonderful and the view of the gum trees and lake couldn't have been more picturesque.
Afterwards it was back to business so to speak, and that was heading to my fav little shop. The Bread Making Shop for bread flour, molasses, oats, thread coconut and nuts . Tomorrow I will be making home made muesli.. much better than store bought - no chemicals nor additives and oh so tasty. If I get a spare minute I will post it on The Witches Kitchen.

Changes in the Wind

I have been thinking for a few days about changing Hedge and Hearth.. Not because I have out grown her, well maybe just a little, but because things have changed since 2007. When I created Hedge and Hearth, the feel of the site was where I was at, at the time. I was living in the rural areas of greater Melbourne, Victoria. Amazingly fragrant gums bordered our yard, whispering pines kept me company as I walked the quiet shores of Western Port Bay and an array of the most wonderful birds were my companions in the hedges and trees around our house.. but almost a year to the day, we left that all for a new life and one that changed beyond our comprehension when we arrived in the coastal area of Western Australia.
I now live in a very dry coastal area, where growing even a small veg patch is near impossible and in the suburbs can you believe, on what was an old RAF bombing range..well at times I can't... TV Antennas and tiled roofs dot my view, not a bird song could be heard when I first moved here, truly a pagan in the city - but on the up side we are a scant kilometre from the Indian Ocean, the fresh breeze of the Fremantle Doctor cools the air every afternoon, the sky on a fine day is something to be remembered, the stars so close at night you could almost reach out and touch them, and over the last year I have had butterflies and feathered friends visit, two pigeons and two Willy Wagtails, they feature strongly in the myths and legends of the indigenous people here. I was so excited to see them drinking out of my water fountain, and they all come on a daily basis now. I digress though.
Because of the changes - leaving the fertile and lush state I loved and moving across the continent to a Coastal area, becoming a full time step mum again after 11 years to two children, getting married and trying to lead a more positive, focused and clean and green living life, it has made me want to *lighten and brighten* Hedge and Hearth.
I am thinking also about changing its name and moving it next door. The only thing holding me back are those people who come to read.. I would hate to lose you in the move, so I would love to know what you think about a new look and a new name?
Thank you all for coming to read and for the emails sent privately asking after the children since there mum passed on, and all the well wishes for my hand fasting and wedding..

Bright Blessings to you.

Something New

I feel there is change a foot, so Butterflies and Breezes has been created, I hope it is some where that will grow.

Bubbling Brews & Clean Loo's

It's only Wednesday and I feel like I have done a full week. Derek who had a months leave from the Navy for the wedding and the 'honeymoon/couple of days away' that didn't happen, is now back on board as of Monday, fortunately he is home at nights. Miss C and Master R went back to school yesterday after there two weeks of school holidays. So as you can imagine the house is very, very quiet. I do love to have them home, but I also enjoy that time to really focus on catching up with those things, that tend to not get 100% attention when there is a full house.
Monday the kids were still here so it was a little more relaxed, however yesterday I went into full blown spring clean mode. All the bedding was washed, bathrooms and toilets scrubbed with a little extra gusto, floors vacuumed and mopped, everything dusted and the brass polished, all my potted plants made it outside for a gentle hosing and feed, and while it was a longish day I so enjoyed it. There is little I enjoy more than making my house a home, doing the little extra things that make my family comfortable and my home a sacred place.
As silly as it may sound to some folk, when I cook for my family and friends in my kitchen, it is empowered with love, thought and purpose. Whether it be something as simple as crackers and cheese or baking bread or cooking an evening meal, it is important to me that it is not only nutritious, made from scratch or as close to that as possible but something I have done with a joyful heart. Today was equally as industrious as yesterday, this time however it was within the kitchen, our hearth, the hub of our home.
Firstly I made fruit and nut bread, it is great for toast in the morning, the kids love it buttered when they get home from school, so two loaves where made to go into the freezer..
I have put the recipe here on The Witches Kitchen These breads I made into little flower pot bread and used them for our wedding favours.. Guests so appreciated that they were home made.
Keeping up with all things fermenting, and the fact that I am fascinated with the whole wild yeast thing, I have tried my hand at ginger beer, thanks to Rhonda over at Down To Earth, and today I bottled my first batch.. *laughing* I have been to check it several times in the last few hours, expecting something but alas nothing.. a cook should never watch a boiling pot, its going to be days before this luscious brew starts popping corks.. and I can't wait taste it.
P/s I added a few more wedding/hand fasting pics to the post below.

My Handfasting & Wedding

Well, the best laid plans of mice and men went horribly astray with one thing or other, so a day or two has slipped past since I said I was going to share some hand fasting photos with you.. We didn't have a photographer, we used little disposable cameras for the guests and a few digital cameras. Some of the photos off the disposables were hilarious, those funny little moments only your nearest and dearest type folk would snap a shot of... you truly can go off some people...*smiles* there was also an interesting assortment, of headless people, thumbs and other various extremities. Not to mention a few photos to prove what is really worn under kilts!
I had to sort through them all and then re size them, and then there was the drama of where to put them..straight into this post or over to flickr with a widget.. dilemmas.
Our day was perfect, there was the moment akin to terror when stepping through the door to see everyone steering at me, add the whirr of auto wind on some cameras belonging to the back yard papparazzi, it had a couple of people comment that I looked like I would either faint or bolt. Not warm fuzzies for a person who dislikes cameras as much as she dislikes being the centre of attention. Then 15 minutes into the rite, a genuine panicked whisper "Do you have the rings?" my reply " no, dont you?" and no he didn't, sooooooo there was a rush for the son's to go in search of said gold bands... Thank the Goddess we were not but a two second run from the house *laughing* that didn't happen in the rehearsal!
Neither Derek nor I are not fond of huge crowds or lots of fuss, so we invited a few folks who are close to us and opted to have the ceremony in the sacred space of our back yard here at home.
The yard was pretty as all the flowers I had planted all came into bloom the week leading up to the wedding. Each of the yards corners where marked with incense for air, burning torches for fire, a bird bath for water and a beautiful fock for earth.. a circle was cast of pine cones, gum nuts, rose and lavender.
We had the most beautiful pagan, witchy woman celebrant who is just amazing... she calmed my nerves before the day and on the day.. and her oneness with nature just made the ceremony that little bit more special... I was also very blessed to have my bouquet made by another lovely pagan woman, her knowledge and insight into all things green not to mention her eye for detail had me carrying the most perfect bouquet..with jasmine, orchids, green roses, gum nuts and ivy.. I really love ivy and gum nuts and the latter comes from a very deep connection with Gum trees.. With a lot of help from Tamara our celebrant we used our own vows for the wedding part of our ceremony.. I was going to post them here, but felt that they were a little personal and precious to us to share on the world wide web..
I'm at risk of rambling here, so will I park my cursor here and let you look at a few piccies.. there is no order to them, as much as I tried we shall thank Flickr for that. If you click the little photostream box, it will take you to the larger version of the photo.
Blessings

Deep ruts and Inspiration

There are a couple of wonderful woman, who have niche's on Blogger and Blogspot and I am so grateful to both of them. They probably have no idea I feel this way.
While I have not been blogging myself, I always try and come to take a peek at theirs. Docwitch at Dark Side of The Broom can always make me smile with her musings along with Rhonda at Down To Earth who has such a down to earth outlook on life, have been such an inspiration to me, more so the last few days. You see I have come to realise that I have been a serious rut over the last few months or so, and to spite my beautiful hand fasting/exchanging of wedding vows three weeks ago, I have been feeling like I am not coping to well with life lately and getting a little down - Part of the reason I have not been blogging to much I guess...not to mention adding all the organising for the nuptials. Over the last few days I have felt so lifted in spirit by reading these to wonderful blogs, that I again feel the muses stirring. So thank you docwitch and Rhonda..
My big son flew in from New Zealand for our special day on Sept 19th, it was such a blessing to see him, I miss him a great deal, the last time we seen each other was July last year, so we tried very hard to make the most of the two weeks he was with us. It was so good to see all four kids, big and little get on so well as it was the first time my son had meet the two younger ones... they seemed kind of excited to have a new big brother. It was sad Samantha couldn't have come with him from New Zealand this trip, but as my 13 month old grandson is still not well often with FPIES we are all hoping by next year he can come for a visit his Nana and new Step-Granddie with his parents.
Tomorrow, I will post some snippets and photos of the hand fasting ceremony, it was beautiful with a strong Celtic feel to it.. not surprising since my man was Edinburgh born and bred.
Well I am off to toss a few veg's around in the kitchen.. it's a beautiful spring evening and I think we might just eat outdoors.

Time and Tumble weeds

It has been months since I have ventured into my blog... near got tangled in cob webs and run over by tumble weeds blowing past!

I have not been able to stir the creative muses within of late, lots going on, the biggest thing is my Hand fasting and wedding in three weeks.. but I will come and take some time to write over the next day or two...
Blessings

Save Midwifery

There was a time, when a wise woman was was called to the mother whose body ached with the pains of labour. She came to the blessed mother whose body bore down and gave forth such a wondrous blessing. She aided the mother with her skill, with her hands etched with the years of her work and her healing herbs.... In our modern society the choices are being ripped away from woman, the bearers of life.. Doctors and hospital take over with harsh lights, and insanely sterile conditions.. where your choices are over powered with that which are decided are right for you... bring back the rights of natural birth! It is about family, it is about new life, it is about your baby and your body... You choose, don't let the others decide how you bring life into this world.. let our midwives not be persecuted nor prosecuted for the wisdom and care they bring to our families and our homes.. Blessed Be The Woman! Daughter of the Goddess, it is your choice, your right!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Blessed Litha/ Yule

Well it has been a coons age since I have posted... we have weathered a few rounds with a pretty nasty virus in our house D even got sick and he never gets sick..lol, it was topped off with a sinus infection for me and the indignity only a woman can suffer when she takes a course of antibiotics.. blessed be the folk who discovered probotics!

I do hope you have all had a Blessed Litha in the North and for my sisters down here in the South wonderful Yule time celebration.. ours was very low key this year.. I even missed the Pagan fair.. *sigh* however the weather really turned winter for the day which was nice.. I have missed real winter since being over here on the West Coast.

Things are moving along with the plans for our hand fasting/wedding in September and we have found a beautiful Pagan celebrant who can do both the hand fasting and civil ceremony... although it will be a small ceremony it is still a bit of a handful to plan.. we are actually looking to have it here at home in the yard, as the weather is more than likely going to be inclement.. Tamara our celebrant has a beautiful acreage amongst some very old gums, and I am also leaning toward her kind offer, we do not plan on having a *reception* but more than likely something like cake and wine (mead)... time will tell, however tomorrow I am off to the scrap booking shop to get some goodies to make the invitations...

D is for Dimmy

D is for Dim Sim, our 17 week old half Birman kitty. I read recently that colour point cats are very much cats of mystery and each type of colour point cat has it's own mystery and tale to share. Did you know that the intelligent, intuitive, aloof but amazingly loyal Birman cats are known as The Sacred Temple Cats? If you would like to read the legend then click here..

There are days when DimSim really does resemble The Sacred Temple Cat, she greets me with a purr almost so loud the windows vibrate, contented, she follows me about the house like a puppy and is happy just *hanging about* when I am in the garden... Since she is still young, she sleeps in the laundry at night, no not in the cosy bed we made for her, but in the nest she made for herself on the bottom shelf of the linen cupboard, on the first night we got her. She goes off to bed at night with a bowl of Whiskas cat milk and wakes us every morning the same time between 6.30 and 6.45am... yes she is precious and sacred...

This morning was a tad different, as my Dh was going into work an hour late, I was going to get a chance to sleep in, so when my stuffy nose woke me earlier than usual. I thought to avoid our Dimmies normal caterwauling "I'm awake, can you hear me, open the door" ruckus, I thought to liberate The Sacred Temple Cat. When she saw me, she happily uncurled herself and jumped down from her place in the cupboard.

Well, it seems that during the night, our Sacred Temple kitty had been worshipping at the altar of the Goddess Chaos! Now, while Chaos has it's place, it's place is not in our still semi-dark bedroom, on a rather chilly June morning. I should have had my first clue when she raced me to the bedroom, used the dog who was sleeping quietly on his rug, as a trampoline to catapult herself into the middle of the bed.. How blimmin' innocent did she look to, waiting for me to climb back under the sheets..

No sooner was I horizontal, did she walk over my Dh, and onto my pillow. There she rolled into my hair, chewing and purring until she was placed unceremoniously at the end of the bed by my Dh. Two seconds later she was back, this time onto my bedside table, where she decided to play, swat the chunk of amber all over the place. Once again placed at the end of the bed, she got onto the floor and while hanging upside down by her claws, under the bed base she raced with goodness knows what until she got bored.. there was silence, oh bliss.. perhaps she had curled up with the dog.. no such luck.. back onto the bed, onto the other bedside table..did it stop there nooooooooo..... she decided the potted fern did not need its fronds, and ate the remaining three down to mere stubs.. with both D and I fully awake now she climbed back onto the bed and after 45 seconds of frantic crying, I realised just to late that she neeeeeeeeded potty, and right now!!!!!!!!!!

I could not believe it, in 30 minutes she had tried to eat and then tangle herself up in my hair, rearranged two bedside tables, annoyed the dog till he went to sleep on the couch, chewed the corner off one magazine and ate one pot plant, then in her frenzy forgot she was house trained and pee'd on the bed.
So at 6.40 with lungs wheezing like a set of old bellows, my nose streaming and generally feeling miserable, I was washing the sheets, doona and the cover... while The Sacred Temple Cat twirled purring merrily at my feet like this was an every day occurrence, before running off to take a cat nap with her dog..
They say the soul of a monk resides within the body of The Sacred Temple Cat ... I have to wonder though, if perhaps Dimmies monk, had been ex-communicated *smiles*

Joy oh joy..not

I had truly forgotten what it was like to have kids in the house that leaked at both ends! Master R, precious wee darling.. got over his cold.. and the morning he was to go back to school, developed some sort of gastro, bless him. Home from school he stayed again, his derriere firmly glued to the po' if you will excuse the glued pun... It was short lived thank the Goddess after a speedy visit to the chemist, after a couple of doses of Imodium he was back to his near normal self... he was however, banished to his bedroom with a pile of books and mugs of weak tea.. I did threaten to hang a bell about his neck if he presented with any more symptoms of anything nasty and unwelcome... Alas - he may have toddled off to school as happy as a sand boy today... but I sit here typing with my nose running as rough as a Bombay tram, my head feeling like a busted hockey puck, feeling somewhat out of whack with the world... thank you Master R *grimace*
I am off to bed for an early night with my newly arrived Spellcraft magazine under one arm and a steaming mug of lemon and Manuka honey drink in the other hand.... Maybe, just maybe I will escape the usually ensuing, after head cold sinus infection and be up to blogging something half decent very soon.

Have you ever....

Another week gone and no posts from me.. the family have all had headcolds, and hopefully Master R the last one to get it is on the mend, I have just packed him off to bed early...
I really want to take a minute to thank each of you who have taken the time to post a comment of support.. it means so very much to me.. Sarah(Hippy mum) you bought a tear to my eye, thank you so much sister.. I have in fact lost your home email adress.. if you could email me at bypass.urban@gmail.com I would love to contact you...
There is a huge ammount of thunder and lightening about.. so I am going to turn the PC off, but before I go I wanted to share something I found today, and I think many of us can relate to this...
Blessings to you all, I am going to sit on my back patio and watch the lightening across a Wester Australian night sky.

Have you ever...
By Emily Rose Matthews
The Temple of Cybele - June 2009 Newsletter
You ask me, "Why are you a Pagan? What do you mean, you worship nature?"
Have you ever... climbed a mountain ?
Stood at the precipitous edge and gazed out at the valley far below; Watched an eagle or a hawk, fly and navigate the winds as he swooped and dived in an aerial dance of pure living; Saw the incredible beauty of the world laid beneath your feet; Or marvelled at the artwork in a rocky formation of enormous proportions?
Have you ever... swam in the ocean?
Let the currents of waves generated hundreds of miles away carry you; Tried to follow a school of fish, or a single crab, as they scattered about looking for food amongst their own private underwater garden; Gazed in awe at the wondrous colors in a totally alien world within our own; Or sat on a beach and gazed at the sunset over the water, feeling totally at peace?
Have you ever... walked in a forest?
Wondered at the tallness of the trees, considering their age, numbers and variety; Watched the multitude of life-forms, from a nest of baby birds to a colony of ants working diligently to maintain their own little world; Felt joy at seeing the new spring leaves, or melancholy at them falling in autumn; Or enjoyed the feeling of solitude, yet sometimes wondering if you are being watched?
Have you ever... looked at the stars ?
Sought to find the pictures of ancient constellations in the different patterns; Tried in vain to count them, and feeling small, yet somehow kind of special in the overall scheme of things, having been born at all ? Experienced the excitement of spotting a shooting star, or the northern lights; Or wondered, with all those stars, and all those worlds, if we are alone or not?
You ask me, "Why are you a Pagan? What do you mean, you worship nature?"
If you have done any of these things and can still ask, you'd never understand the answer.

Secular Life...

I have almost been in hibernation over the last 3 weeks, well at least since my last post... Things have been challenging here with a few issues surrounding family and the children that have needed looking at.. Some of it has been so emotionally draining for both myself and my man.. we wonder how on earth we have been making it through.. It at times has left me feeling melancholy with no energy left for my blog .. it has had me struggling with my spiritual walk as well.. It is almost like there is no energy left for that either, which made me feel a little sad..
I really think the Goddess knows that we are working towards "cutting out the dead wood" in our lives so to speak, so we can make a safer and happier family, it is a painful process of realization, acceptance, anger really a whole gamut of emotions. It is funny how we/I get little messages of reassurance when I am beating myself up over various things like not having emotional energy to even light a candle.
Last night I came online to check my email, and there was a newsletter there with an article - Sustaining Growth: for solitary and all other seekers by Judy Harrow, HPs (Proteus Coven) - it suggested we take care of our secular lives first. She wrote "Abraham Maslow, the father of humanistic psychology, described a hierarchy of human needs. According to his theory, higher needs emerge only after the more basic ones are satisfied." and I think this is what I have been doing.. taking care of business and in doing so I think I have been walking the path the Goddess would have us take in this...

On a real upside my man and I have finally picked our wedding date.. Saturday, September the 19th, I didn't know when we picked the date, that it is a Dark Moon and while I was a bit iffy about that, I sort of thought that a Dark moon is a time of reflection, and the start of new beginnings I do not think it is a negative time of the lunar cycle. We have spoken to a couple of Pagan marriage celebrants who are able to make it a subtle pagan ceremony.

So apart from all the *emotional branch cutting* I also made some great sourdough bread...
I hadn't forgotten I promised to keep you updated on that..
The kids started calling it the 'mutant dough' however after the first taste it became 'great bread' *smiles* and that does my heart good, to know that the goodness of the grain along with the love and energy I put into making it, was well received by those it was meant for. Here are some photos.
Mutant dough and the finished loaf:

Hubble Bubble

What a incredibly busy few weeks..thank the Goddess - sighs, the house is quiet today - and also back in order after having the kids home for school holidays, sadly Sarah has also returned to Melbourne and having her not here, always leaves a bit of an emotional gap for me.. So over the last four days, there has been catching up on those things that just don't seem to get managed when there are extra people in the house everyday. Apart from a few veg seedlings needing to be planted and 5 kilos of tomatoes waiting to be made into soup and frozen all is quiet in my corner of the world. Although today we have had to call in a repair man for the deep freeze. It packed a sad yesterday (just as well the tomatoes are not yet soup) and decided it would be selective on what it kept frozen!
I had to toss most porous things as well as a few frozen veg that couldn't be consumed easily.. I have managed to salvage most things into a small freezer space until Monday when the parts are in, as much as a pain as it is, getting it repaired is far cheaper than a new freezer! I wonder if Samhain yesterday had anything to do with the fridges new selective freezing patterns..*smiling*

The plumber finally arrived as well, and now the kids don't run out of the bathroom screaming the toilet bowl water is bubbling.. Considering the gremlins in the bathroom/laundry plumbing and the resulting mess out the back door, one would think that I would be over the fixation with all things brewing, bubbly and fermenting - however over the last few weeks I have become slightly obsessed with making Sourdough bread.. The first few 'starters' where a no go, infact the icky messes were banished in case I poisoned the family (wonders if this is what blocked the toilet- ok now I am really laughing at that thought) then after a bit more research, I realised I was starving my wee pet.. So after wasting a few jars of the flour and water brew I hit on the combination.. she hopes.. feed it more and feed it high protein flour.. it seems it likes the rye flour a bit better.. more natural goodies for my wild yeast babies to fed upon it seems.
I am almost convinced now though, the family think I have turned into a mad woman, as every morning I race down the hall into the kitchen with Mister P and Dim Sim in hot pursuit just so I can peer into a jar of flour and water, while cooing and coaxing it to froth. Tah Dar -
Today I have been rewarded with the perfect bubbly, yeasty, slightly sour smelling jar of goodness -
At 7 am this morning, everyone circled round watching with wide eyed fasination as this pajama clad, mad woman with hair all askew, mixed up the first *sponge* like some possessed scientist.. The sponge which is really just a bowl of warm fermenting flour batter, should treble in size over the next 12 hours.. there are a few more steps as yet but the Goddess willing this will turn out to be my first ever loaf of Sourdough bread. I will keep you updated on it's progress...

On closing todays post..a total digression here... last week I thought Miss C was being unusually quiet and no where to be found when she was needed to set the dinner table. I knew Sarah was in the bathroom braiding her hair - I should have guessed Miss C would have been in there too... this is what I found when I opened the bathroom door, Sarah braiding away and Miss C happily reading in her new nest!

Welll Geeeeeeze

I am connected to the net..even if it is by about 30 feet of extension cable, running down halls, around corners and across rooms because for reasons only known to the computer, our cordless modem will not stay connected - however that is a small thing compared to the plumbing problem we developed in the middle of a public holiday weekend, where toilet icky blahs and laundry waste water are making there own personal form of toxic soup outside the laundry door! annnnnnnnnd if the plumber who was meant to come this morning, who is now coming tomorrow doesn't show up at said time, I will hunt him down, then drag him here kicking and screaming, by his important little boy places *insert sadist smile* to fix my gurgling drains anddddddddddddd Goddess Bless the cruel and unusual person who invented teacher only days... the day after the school holidays ended, the day the kids were meant to go back to school, but didn't andddddddd for those of you who are wondering, yes they were about to walk out the door to school, when I noticed some tiny, weeny, minuscule print on a book stating.. term commences tomorrow. Well that really screwed my happiness ... in time I am sure I will get this step mother thing sussed.. Heck with a whole day ahead... it can only get better... in the mean time I am going to find a quiet corner and rock..

Lest We Forget

On this day, in the darkness, before dawn, the ANZAC's stormed ashore in a place now known as ANZAC cove. ANZAC DAY is not to glorify war or praise heroes, but to remember those who have served our country during times of conflict and crisis, and to reflect upon their selfless sacrifice. Today we as a family, along with thousands of other Australians and New Zealanders took time to remember our country men who did not return from service. Over a spam of 8 months, a total 36,000 Australian and New Zealand soldiers were killed or wounded at Gallipoli in 1915.
Today for me it is a time reflection also, to those men and woman in our Armed Services who have and still are serving abroad. As the partner of a man who has over the last decade seen several tours of duty, I give heartfelt thanks to the Goddess for returning him to me and for making him the man he is, with his dedication to us and to serve his country.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

Just rambling

Well. the computer is up and running, it is minus a few of my graphic programmes, but they can wait for the time being!
It has been a very long ten days, and to be honest I do not feel I have coped well. Merging two families into one, is not an easy task, and at times over the last week or so I have felt almost torn in two... the Goddess only knows how others, before me have coped doing the same thing! As a kid I thought the Brady Bunch was sooooooooo cool, oh the brain washing of the television..haha
This last week my man has had the week on leave from the Navy, so we have taken Sarah to a few places she wanted to visit.. the younger children's maternal Nana has had another fall and is in hospital with a seriously broken shoulder.. after two surgeries in as many days, seems to be picking up some but the little ones have been fretting about her well being..
Sarah leaves for Melbourne on Sunday, and I feel I have not really had any time with her, well not like we have been used too. Once she would have had my undivided attention so to speak but not so now, my attention is shared. Something even at her age has felt a little odd.. This has left me feeling a little guilty from time to time.. But to spite the sometime feelings of inadequacy, it has been nice knowing she was around even if we did not have the time we had been used to in the past...
There is much more to share in here but I am lacking in time and at 10 pm I am feeling the need to seek the comfort of my bed, so will share more in the next day or so...
Tomorrow, we are heading of to the Malagua Markets and on Saturday we will be busy, as it is ANZAC Day here, a little like Remembrance Day for those of you in the US and as a Navy family we attend a Dawn Remembrance service. D also has to March out later in the morning, with one of three Platoons from HMAS Stirling, the children and I will also attend the Memorial Service with him that follows and then have lunch with the Diggers ( WW2 Returned Servicemen) and present day service personal. Soooooooo maybe on Monday things will settle to a normal buzzz around here and my routine (which I so miss) will be back to normal.....
Bright Blessings

Technical glitch n stuff

It has been a busy week, with Sarah arriving from Melbourne, the kids on school holidays and in the midst of this... our faithful computer whirred to a whinney end! We have managed a temporary Internet connection on an old computer that found it's way here from the kids old house... It's pretty clapped out and molasses in winter time runs faster, but at least it has let me connect to this even for a few minutes.
We have an IT repairman coming later this afternoon sooooooooooo all things being equal, he may be able to fix it, we are leaning towards the CPU having passed onto the great Technograve. I am a bit of a stickler for backing up things, so most of what I hoard is on two external drives... fingers crossed we will all be running to plan very shortly... Bright Blessings

The Athiest, the Christian and the Witch

I have been quiet busy today.. My 27 yr old daughter is arriving from Melbourne tomorrow night, to spend a couple of weeks with us, I have so been looking forward to it.. it will be nice. I haven't seen her since before C and R came to live with us.. She gets on well with both the children who she has meet on a couple of occasions, but it is a little different for her knowing that I am now full time care giver and step mum to them, especially under the circumstances. She is a very protective daughter, Bless her and she worries how I am coping and if I am doing to much. While not a mother herself she understands full time parenting again, 10 years after her and her brother left home is not an easy task, especially when the children have unresolved issues and grief over loosing their own mum. However I am sure all will be good..
Today I have been doing those things Mothers do before their children come home for a visit, that little bit of extra cleaning - making sure there room is homely and welcoming, not to mention baking some of those treats that they don't have away from home. While my daughter doesn't share my Pagan way of life, she does respect it, and I her Christian beliefs, so I will also make her, Miss C and Master R, fresh Easter Buns.. I must admit to being a little bit partial to the spicy wee buns myself.. It's kind of amusing at times having a Atheist, a Pagan Witch and a born again Christian all under the one roof.. it reminds me of a little but very true story and it goes like this:

The morning was ANZAC day, a little like Remembrance Day in the US.. We always attend the Dawn Parade, outdoor memorial service and traditional Navy Gunfire breakfast with the old diggers (elderly retired Servicemen) this particular year, my then 25 year old Christian daughter was home for the weekend and came with us.. Well she had never seen inside the Navy bases two churches lovely historic buildings, thankfully empty! We took her in, heck I hadn't been in a church for 20 years, nor had Derek my atheist partner except for a recent funeral.. On leaving, Sarah pointed out she wasn't fond of the statues that belonged to the Denomination of the church we were in ... At this point Derek is trying to open the door that had jammed solid... I was trying so hard to contain my mirth, Sarah's next comment was "Great now we are going to get struck by a lightening bolt, thanks ever so much Mum".. By the time the door unstuck I am almost wetting myself laughing so hard, at the irony of a Christian, an atheist and a Pagan Witch being stuck in a Church.. I said it then and I will say it again, I think this is how those weird jokes start..

Autumn Quote

Bizarre to say the least, as I have not been ill so to speak with the likes of colds and things for a few years.. but in the last 3 weeks I have had an acute Sinus infection and in the last few days I have been laid low with a head cold.. so twice in a very short time span.. maybe someone is trying to tell me something! Cold or not, I managed to make my way to the store today and pick up some wonderful rusty coloured wool, and I have been happily sitting knitting a witchy, winter shawl... if I make another it will be with a 8 ply wool instead of the chunk one I am using... it will be toasty though when I am finished..*scratches head* does Western Australia have a season, that needs toasty? if not it will look nice draped over my rocking chair! When I the camera batteries are charged I will take a photo of it so far...

"Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns."
George Elliot

Pots n Troughs

I woke up feeling a tad shabby this morning, I am not sure if it is the remnants of the sinus infection, or the initial side effects of having just started HRT, the side effects I can do without for not only do they make me feel not so great, they make me second guess whether I have done the right thing in using HRT.. any how I digress. To spite feeling not all that flash I took myself outdoors into the autumn sunshine.. There have been some seedlings I have been waiting to put out, but was waiting for the waxing moon. So I have planted out my Broccolini and some beetroot seeds, although I am not holding out to much hope for them, while it is autumn, we are still having days up in the 90's and it is the sort of heat that fries most stuff.

My summer garden was a disaster! Not one veg made it to the table, it was quiet heartbreaking actually.. Gardening conditions here on the West Coast has been a challenge to say the least.. when you dig under the top 3 or 4 millimetres of mulch there is sand.. not sandy soil, but sand, sand castle building sand, just like at the beach.. If it was practical to bring in a load of topsoil or a couple of trailers of compost it might be a bit easier, but this isn't a house we own, and we won't be staying long term, so it is not a viable option...

After a bit of girl ingenuity and some eyelash batting *laughing*, I am growing some pretty nice looking veges... in a couple of old ammunition cases D managed to get from work, and a couple of old kids paddling pool halves from our local Freecyclers.

So I have lettuce, Silverbeet, Broccolini and tomorrow English Spinach all happy in anything that can hold dirt. Most of my herbs are in pots the mint, parsley, some of the thyme and the oregano - the sage is happy in the sand, as is one thyme plant. I plan on *spot* gardening and digging a little cow manure into the sand and putting in some Hyssop, Wormwood, Yarrow and Fennel.,so we will see how that goes.. funnily enough the garden has other things growing in it, Lavenders, Rosemary, Vincas, Wallflowers, Foxgloves ..just not the veges..
I have numerous potted plants.. and I found these amazing little plastic cauldrons, which I filled with Pansy's till I learn what will grow in sand! This urban beach living after having the country lifestyle is a challenge, one I am learning to cope with...slowly.

Kids, Kittens and Cooking

Yaaaaaaaaaaay, Daylight savings ended here on Sunday... I am not very fond of it, well not when it goes into the first month of Autumn! So while it has been a tad difficult to adjust to the hour-less, I do find myself enjoying the darker evenings, and cooler mornings...this morning was great, while there is often the *Freemantle Doctor* blowing in off the ocean most afternoons, this morning the wind was cool, and as I hung out the washing, I felt those first few tendrils of an autumn morning touching my skin..
I have missed sitting here in the evening to write my blog, tonight I am feeling a great deal better and I sit with a glass of Chardy and a kitty.. who is opening Media Player and closing Blogger at the touch of a paw! You have to love the auto save function. During the first few days of having Lunar aka Dim Sim with us, I had my doubts at her ability to settle into our family, she was terrified of the kids, of us, the house.. she was absolutely riddled with fleas and worms.. the latter two got dealt with post haste, and in a couple of days her physical condition improved 10 fold.. where she hid all the time in places no one could reach, she was to scared to be touched, stroked or picked up. I have noticed in the last day or two though her disposition has changed and an amazing wee personality is starting to show, she just loves Mister P and that wonderful 15 minutes of *alone with my man time after the alarm goes off* has been hijacked by an attention seeking pooch and a Kamikaze cat, intent on administering acupuncture to anything that has the audacity to twitch or flinch... But they are both as cute as buttons and cute in my book wins hands down... *smiling* this blog wasn't going to be about the cat..
I have done other things today... I have caught up on some housework and baked..
Banana Muffins for the kids lunches.. it was in fact a Banana cake recipe, that I Muffin'ified, which is easier for the school lunch - I pop them in the freezer, already wrapped so they can go frozen straight into the lunch boxes.. here is the recipe, Banana Cake/Muffins I can't wait to try it as a cake actually..
I also made some Anzac Biscuits, affectionately known in our house as Pocket Bicci's - why? well because I ran out of hands one morning, two cups of coffee and two biscuits in the mans bathrobe pockets! Well you did ask. They are scrumptious and there is always, *Pocket's* in the cookie jar.. the recipe is over at The Witches Kitchen.. please try them they are so nice, they also come with a history, these were sent to the Australian-NewZealand Army Corp during the WW1, I have put in a link for you to see..
So here are the muffins and 'pockets' and the manadatory broken one!

Sinus and all things yukky

I started to write this post last Tuesday about 7 days ago and had to save it to draft as I felt awful, puffy eyes, swollen face, dizzy spells and nausea. *sigh* I have been struggling with an acute sinus infection - something I get periodically, usually when I have been stressed or the likes.... a little bodily response to the huge changes and upheaval of the last few months no doubt. I eventually gave in and went to the Doctor who gave me Prednisone and Antibiotics. .. anyway I am starting to feel better and hope tomorrow to do a few things of the domestic kind.. I am a seriously lousy patient and so dislike being unwell... While I have not been blogging to much myself, I have enjoyed a few moments reading your posts when I have been able to stay vertical!

Dim Sim anyone?

Well, we have been looking for a kitten for the longest time, and found a cutie today. She is part Birman, part too cute and part ratbag with the most amazing blue eyes... while she is getting a little better she is a little timid, the people who had the litter of kittens said, they didn't want to get attached to the kittens so they didn't interate with them very much, which is pretty selfish really.. so she loves the dog and is slowly getting used to people.
I wanted to give her a beautiful Pagan/Goddess type name.. however on the drive home with her, my beloved man, cracked up laughing, on asking what was so funny, he said "we should call her Dim Sim" I looked at him open mouthed and muttered something about sailors spending far to much time in foreign places, and that the cat would not be named after something of a take out menu... *sigh* my beautiful kitty Lunar, is now affectionately known as Dim Sim or occasionally Tom Yum... *rolls eyes* go figure how that happened. The kitty is below, for some reason that photo won't upload the right way around.. the things that are sent to try us...

Happy Mabon/ Ostara

Today has turned on a warmish but wonderful autumn day to celebrate Mabon, one of my favourite celebrations. The wind is blowing, leaves were dancing and rustling down the street, the clouds have covered the sky and it is wonderful, now all I need to make this perfect is for there to be a real nip in the air, but a girl can not have everything..
For me today is about giving thanks for all that I have received over the last year, the blessing to my family, the goodness of the earth and all her bounty. Today for me was spent *autumn cleaning* as well as dancing my besom through the house sweeping out any stagnant energy and negativity in the house, burning incense and candles and doing a little stocking up.. and filling a basket with harvest goodies.
It was also a time for me to go outdoors, and stand with the wind blowing my hair, arms outstretched and re-affirming my commitment to the Goddess and my path. With all that has been happening here with getting the children settled and helping them grieve in a positive way for the loss of their mum, I have at times neglected aspects of my walk.. As winter approaches it will be a time of quiet reflection, a time I truly love..
Blessed and Happy Mabon to those of you down here in the Southern Seas.. may your hearths burn brightly and warm this winter...
For those of you on the other side of the globe, new things are beginning for you, the warmth of the sun, the seeds reaching for the sun.. may your gardens be green and your lives and hearts fertile with new beginnings and dreams... I wish you a blessed Ostara..

A wonderful gift

One of the first *witchy* things I ever bought was a tiny wee cast iron cauldron, it is kind of cute.. I have never been able to cook in it, however I have burned candles and incense in it for various things.. it well, was never really a working cauldron because it is to small, so it is now sitting beside the brass keys, black candles and the statue of Hecate, it looks perfect there..
But that still left me wanting a bigger more witchy cauldron.. whenever I went to op shops and the likes I always had my eye open for something suitable..but to no avail. Everytime I visisted a shop to buy candles or herbs or resins, I looked longly at the wonderful cauldrons and the hefty price tag and *sighed* I knew one would come to me when the time was right...
Then one day, I went to buy a frying pan at a kitchen store, and there on a shelf was an identical pot to the ones sold in most witch supply stores.. I near went into spasms, joy oh joy when I looked at the price tag, it was half price... yet, I had come to buy a new pan for cooking, and again I had to wait..
Well Bless my man for the treasure he is, he took me back to that store, and there it was still 3 months later, sitting waiting, for me perhaps? D asked would I like it? *smiles* He didn't need to ask me twice..
So here is a photo of the perfect gift.. my new, huge cauldron.. I sooooooooo love it, and the man who gave it to me.
P/s ... I have also been busy adding a few bits and bobs to The Witches Kitchen for those who might like to have a look.

Making choices

I had always thought that I would go through menopause with my body doing what countless other woman have done before me. Embracing this next stage of my life with a certain amount of grace and decorum. Celebrating the circle of my life and another change within me, however what I did not expect was to undergo menopause at the hands of a man, lying on an operating table with a room full of people watching..
While I had been on a waiting list for minor surgery, I had no idea how that would pan out, nor did I feel like I had adequate time to make choices about my body. When the surgeon walked in that morning everything changed and a brief 15 minutes later I was trying to make sense of test results and options.

Common sense tells me almost 2 years later, that really there wasn't another option if I wanted to live to be an old lady, however taking both ovaries was going to be the very, very last resort.. I woke up after major surgery, very ill with no ovaries and a HRT implant. When I was 30 I had a hysterectomy.. and my last girlie bits had still given me that small sense of *woman* even with no period.. this time I felt ripped off and very very sad.
Last August, I decided I did not want another implant after the first one ran out. I didn't feel like I had control over the stuff in my body, besides I wanted to do it how the Goddess intended, naturally.
I used herbs and teas and for a time they worked, when I was getting no relief I did stop taking them ..however over the last few months I had been having a battle with myself over the choice I made... It really wasn't a hard decision to make in the first instance but as time has gone by I found myself struggling more and more with the symptom's of menopause in fact some are leaving me feeling quiet unwell.

By chance a few weeks ago I found an amazing place, a Woman's Health Centre.. thank the Goddess walking through the doors of this place was like a breath of fresh air. You could feel woman energy everywhere and the support has been amazing. They have a wonderful Doctor there Dr Jenny, a beautiful older lady with such wisdom and insight. She deals with nothing other than Woman's health.. Bless her.
She explained so much that the male gynecologist/surgeon never would or did about the surgery and what has happened to my body since, and she put it in a way I could understand.
After spending an hour with her, she was able to give me positive choices about how to deal with what was happening to me now. She felt at just 48 I was two young to be trying to do this without help, and especially now I have a *new* family to look after.. so with her help I have decided to try HRT again, this time it is a gel I put on my skin.. I can stop if I want and do not have to wait 8 to 10 months to stop which was the length of an implant.
I have no uterus I do not need to worry about the same about the link to breast cancer, however she has sent me for a Mammogram anyway...

On the drive to her office I had felt like I was letting myself down for not doing it "naturally" but I have learnt from this wonderful woman, was I in fact was letting myself down by neglecting to do anything about my flagging well being.. I need to remember that Goddess gives others wisdom to help us.. and I am thankful for that.

Happy BIrthday son

Happy birthday son, 26 years old today. You are my second born, and you will always be my baby so to speak. When you're 65 and I am getting around with my besom tied to my zimmerframe you will still be my baby.. I don't know why it is like that with mothers and their sons, or maybe it is just me with you, because of your rocky start in life.. a bit like your own son's really, except you were not premature like him... you clicked when you breathed and while it seemed somewhat cute at the start, it hid something a little more sinister - had your wee kidneys not decided to malfunction the day after you were born, we more than likely would never have found the tumor in your nasal cavity that was quietly reaching for your brain.. they found the tumour the day your kidneys kicked back in 48 hours later.. fate maybe?
I knew the night you where conceived you were going to be a boy.. I enjoyed every minute of my pregnancy with you.. although I was impatient to met you. You where 9lb 4.oz
yet your birth was so easy, no medication, no pain relief, each contraction welcomed as I stood leaning against the wall.. You lay content suckling my breast, even before the physical cord that bound you to me was cut..
Your little nasal airways blocked by the tumor, you couldn't breath well laying down and you gasped for breath so often during those first 8 weeks, so I sat up nursing you through the long autumn nights, holding you, your tiny face buried into my neck, so many nights until you were old enough for your micro surgery. I do know that they were precious times that you and I spent together and I believe we formed a very special bond. By the time your first birthday you where a happy bouncy boy, who was happily pushed and pulled about by your sister, even though there was a scant 13 months between you.
Life was not always easy for us, but we got there.. You said to me the day Courtney and Roberts Mum died.. "Your strong and your a survivor Mum, if anyone can get through this, and get them through this, you can"
Although I shouldn't be, I am pleasantly surprised by your emotional depth. You have always been one to survey the world, and quietly take it all in, often saying little, but when you do it is worth saying.
I am so proud of you, for all you have overcome, for the things you have quietly learnt, for the wisdom, patience, tolerance and love you were and are still able to give to your family.
For the strength you have dug deep to find and have shown, to your wife and son with both of them having been both so very sick over the last 7 months.. you have shown those who doubted your ability to maintain your marriage, fatherhood while coping with your sons illness, and still worked full time in a high risk job.. Not only have you done all of this, but you have done it with integrity.
I thank the Goddess for bringing you into my life and I thank her that you were not taken from us in that first few months.. I look at you with the love and pride only a mother can have.. you have given me some of the most amazing memories I have known, and remember son, I above all others, love you.

Potting and Cleaning

I am seriously exhausted tonight, it is 8.30 and I am ready for my bed.. I think a few late nights have caught up and slapped me, not to mention a hard core morning in the garden, getting the rest of my lettuce, Swiss Chard, and flower plants in and a few house plants potted before the full moon.
The moon was full here today at 11.37am, so I wanted to get it all finished - then I found a * rabbit food and straw every blimmin' everwhere* catastrophe in the garage, which I got into a tizzy over and ended up cleaning out the whole garage.. I have never worked out how that happens!
The Garden looks great, the moon looks absolutely amazing this evening and I am happy to wait a day or two and get in some root veges..
A little something arrived in the email the other day that just tickled me to bits, not to mention surprised the daylights out of me,.. My son's mother in law sent me a photo of his new past time ... I was so blessed to see him like this, so thought I would share it with you... He did mention it, but not in the depth she explained, he has a little hot house, grows everything from seed, has pumpkins taking over the paths.. boy after me own heart..lol

Have you popped over to The Witches Kitchen? It is my other blog.. have a peek and maybe tomorrow I will be concious enough to write a half decent blog.