I had always thought that I would go through menopause with my body doing what countless other woman have done before me. Embracing this next stage of my life with a certain amount of grace and decorum. Celebrating the circle of my life and another change within me, however what I did not expect was to undergo menopause at the hands of a man, lying on an operating table with a room full of people watching..
While I had been on a waiting list for minor surgery, I had no idea how that would pan out, nor did I feel like I had adequate time to make choices about my body. When the surgeon walked in that morning everything changed and a brief 15 minutes later I was trying to make sense of test results and options.
Common sense tells me almost 2 years later, that really there wasn't another option if I wanted to live to be an old lady, however taking both ovaries was going to be the very, very last resort.. I woke up after major surgery, very ill with no ovaries and a HRT implant. When I was 30 I had a hysterectomy.. and my last girlie bits had still given me that small sense of *woman* even with no period.. this time I felt ripped off and very very sad.
Last August, I decided I did not want another implant after the first one ran out. I didn't feel like I had control over the stuff in my body, besides I wanted to do it how the Goddess intended, naturally.
I used herbs and teas and for a time they worked, when I was getting no relief I did stop taking them ..however over the last few months I had been having a battle with myself over the choice I made... It really wasn't a hard decision to make in the first instance but as time has gone by I found myself struggling more and more with the symptom's of menopause in fact some are leaving me feeling quiet unwell.
By chance a few weeks ago I found an amazing place, a Woman's Health Centre.. thank the Goddess walking through the doors of this place was like a breath of fresh air. You could feel woman energy everywhere and the support has been amazing. They have a wonderful Doctor there Dr Jenny, a beautiful older lady with such wisdom and insight. She deals with nothing other than Woman's health.. Bless her.
She explained so much that the male gynecologist/surgeon never would or did about the surgery and what has happened to my body since, and she put it in a way I could understand.
After spending an hour with her, she was able to give me positive choices about how to deal with what was happening to me now. She felt at just 48 I was two young to be trying to do this without help, and especially now I have a *new* family to look after.. so with her help I have decided to try HRT again, this time it is a gel I put on my skin.. I can stop if I want and do not have to wait 8 to 10 months to stop which was the length of an implant.
I have no uterus I do not need to worry about the same about the link to breast cancer, however she has sent me for a Mammogram anyway...
On the drive to her office I had felt like I was letting myself down for not doing it "naturally" but I have learnt from this wonderful woman, was I in fact was letting myself down by neglecting to do anything about my flagging well being.. I need to remember that Goddess gives others wisdom to help us.. and I am thankful for that.
I made this rye and spelt loaf yesterday. Hanno said it's as good as the one from the German baker. Woohoo! Hello dear readers. I'm back into my bread rou...