Mar 15, 2009

Happy BIrthday son

Happy birthday son, 26 years old today. You are my second born, and you will always be my baby so to speak. When you're 65 and I am getting around with my besom tied to my zimmerframe you will still be my baby.. I don't know why it is like that with mothers and their sons, or maybe it is just me with you, because of your rocky start in life.. a bit like your own son's really, except you were not premature like him... you clicked when you breathed and while it seemed somewhat cute at the start, it hid something a little more sinister - had your wee kidneys not decided to malfunction the day after you were born, we more than likely would never have found the tumor in your nasal cavity that was quietly reaching for your brain.. they found the tumour the day your kidneys kicked back in 48 hours later.. fate maybe?
I knew the night you where conceived you were going to be a boy.. I enjoyed every minute of my pregnancy with you.. although I was impatient to met you. You where 9lb 4.oz
yet your birth was so easy, no medication, no pain relief, each contraction welcomed as I stood leaning against the wall.. You lay content suckling my breast, even before the physical cord that bound you to me was cut..
Your little nasal airways blocked by the tumor, you couldn't breath well laying down and you gasped for breath so often during those first 8 weeks, so I sat up nursing you through the long autumn nights, holding you, your tiny face buried into my neck, so many nights until you were old enough for your micro surgery. I do know that they were precious times that you and I spent together and I believe we formed a very special bond. By the time your first birthday you where a happy bouncy boy, who was happily pushed and pulled about by your sister, even though there was a scant 13 months between you.
Life was not always easy for us, but we got there.. You said to me the day Courtney and Roberts Mum died.. "Your strong and your a survivor Mum, if anyone can get through this, and get them through this, you can"
Although I shouldn't be, I am pleasantly surprised by your emotional depth. You have always been one to survey the world, and quietly take it all in, often saying little, but when you do it is worth saying.
I am so proud of you, for all you have overcome, for the things you have quietly learnt, for the wisdom, patience, tolerance and love you were and are still able to give to your family.
For the strength you have dug deep to find and have shown, to your wife and son with both of them having been both so very sick over the last 7 months.. you have shown those who doubted your ability to maintain your marriage, fatherhood while coping with your sons illness, and still worked full time in a high risk job.. Not only have you done all of this, but you have done it with integrity.
I thank the Goddess for bringing you into my life and I thank her that you were not taken from us in that first few months.. I look at you with the love and pride only a mother can have.. you have given me some of the most amazing memories I have known, and remember son, I above all others, love you.


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