It is Sunday night here, the family have been fed on freshly made light rye sourdough still warm from my oven and the last of the tomato soup, that I made and froze some months ago.. today I have tried to stay busy with a few cleaning jobs, some bread making, putting together a couple of litres of yogurt and a bit of gardening. Friday night was a late one to bed, 12.30am and I slept poorly when I finally dozed off, I woke at 5am and felt quiet poorly with crampy tummy and nausea, it is still not 100% I'm not entirely sure if it was the commercial bread I ate on Friday lunchtime or the phone call I received on Friday night, maybe a combination of the two.
As a mother, we want the best for our children, no matter their age.
We want them to achieve and accomplish the goals they have set for themselves and watch them raise their families.
It matters not how old they are or how young they are as parents we still hurt when they hurt, we want to protect them from some of those lessons in life we have learnt and been burnt by, and yet, we can not. When life throws them a curved ball, we can't catch it for them... all we can do is help them back onto their feet when it hits them and at times us squarely between the eyes. Nothing can really prepare you for the time when you hear their voice break with hurt, over thousands of kilometres of phone line. This is what happened on Friday night.
When I heard the phone go, I thought it was Sarah telling me she was home safe after the Seal concert she had been too, the last thing I expected was her brother calling, as it was nearly 3am in his time zone. The call has left me feeling very sad, for him and for our family. He rung to tell me he and his wife had separated, I "felt" something wasn't all ok when he was here for the wedding several weeks ago.. and got a stronger sense of this 2 weeks ago. .. long story short it is irreconcilable and mutual. I didn't ask him why, he is an adult and if he wants to tell me he will... In the mean time I will love him through this as best as I can.
He is going to come over for awhile to recoop and clear his head, when he was here last with all the preperation for the wedding we had very little time to sit and talk.. it is my hope that with the support of his family over here, he / we will get through this and come out stronger for it.
I made this rye and spelt loaf yesterday. Hanno said it's as good as the one from the German baker. Woohoo! Hello dear readers. I'm back into my bread rou...