The Guilts

When I was in my 20's I had immense trouble saying no, to something if it wasn't convenient, I would just muddle through and find time, to spite myself.. then into my 30's my children where older, I was becoming "independent again" so to speak, had started work again and with a new found confidence, I learnt to say "I would love to help or whatever, but I am not able to at the moment" and I could do it without guilt..

Then about 4 years ago I left my job as a Manager of a business as we moved to a Navy Base in rural area where work was hard to find... this knocked my confidence about as I was either under qualified or over qualified for what little work the area had to offer..After a time I slipped comfortably back into the role of full time homemaker... something my husband and I both enjoyed. I was less stressed and grumpy, and I enjoyed getting back to basics.
When we went from 'coupledom' into 'familydom' instantaneously with the addition of the younger children coming to live with us... something changed within me.. It is not their fault by any means and as my husband and I have had to deal with some insanely huge and painful issues - . this has bought for me full circle, back to feeling guilty for saying "No" Funnily enough, not to strangers, but to family members my MIL, my adult kids, even my husband at times... I have developed this *have to do* almost mentality.. I should be able to comfortably say "Your an adult, you do this or learn to do this" and when I do I feel guilty like I have some how failed.. it is bizarre and I don't fully understand where this has come from at almost 50.

Is this some strange thing that happens with menopause? Is it because my life has so drastically changed my head is still spinning? or is it because I am a woman and it is what we woman do... beat ourselves up over over problems that are not of our making?