Babes, Birds, Bunnies and a Hermit Crab

I started to write this post on the 14th of January.. I saved it to draft and I had hoped to get back and finish it but I have not had a minute until know 8 days later! .. So much has happened, my life has changed so drastically since my New Years post.. Christmas seems like some eerie distant memory.. and the happenings since feel so surreal.. Dinner is in the oven and I have shut the door to the computer room, to hide for just a minute. Hopefully I can finish this post before the dinner starts to smoulder...
There are somethings that can never prepare you for the Butterfly effect the name of a movie perhaps but no less real.. Do you believe in that, the Butterfly Effect? How tiny or not so tiny variations can affect giant systems, well I do, the cosmic web, if you touch one strand the ripples are felt by so many, and on January the 11th around 10.30pm, those strands where stroked and the ripple hit us near 11 hours later.
As some of you may know my beloved and I have both been previously married, and we both have children from these prior unions.. mine are 26 and 27 and his are just young at 10 and 13 they have been living with their Mum.. my mans ex wife.. There little lives forever changed along with ours that morning 12th of January.. when Robert rung my cell phone crying.. "can you come quick please, Mummy is dead" he had already called an ambulance..She has suffered for the longest time with mental illness, and until the Coronial Investigators release there findings, we will not know for sure how she passed, but many of us know in our hearts.. Nothing ever prepares you for this..
There was never a moments doubt that the children would go anywhere but home with us, and that's where they are.. for reasons unbeknown to us, the house (where they lived) is already being sorted/cleared out (far to soon in my books).. so we have been moving the kids clothes, treasures and numerous amounts of "I really need that" down to our house as well as organising their new bedrooms. The walls have stretched in our home to embrace - two kids, a fish, a bird, a bunny and and hermit crab called *pinchey*
I have encountered hard things in my life before, and this is right up there with the hardest.. my heartbreaks when these two wonderful kids ask me why, or tell me it's not fair, or when they say how they feel guilty that they miss thier Mum but feel happy with us and then there are those nights when I have listened to a 13 year old boy yell in anger, rant and sob for his mother while sitting on the floor of the shower.. I am so grateful to the Guardians of the West, the Element of Water and how it cocoons and comforts him, as it hears him vent his emotions and then carries them away in a gentle stream. The night the kids Mum passed over, I lifted my arms to the Moon and asked her to give me strength to let go of any feelings that were negative and of no use to us as a new family, for the strength to raise these two children as my own..to show them all the love and compassion I could.. to teach them to be all they could be and to walk in love on Mother Earth.. It has been 10 days since that night... tomorrow is the funeral and as one door closes another opens - and while it is hard and painful at present, many have said good things will come from this for the kids.. I trust the Goddess they are right.. I thank her for all things, even those which I do not understand..