Jan 21, 2009

Babes, Birds, Bunnies and a Hermit Crab

I started to write this post on the 14th of January.. I saved it to draft and I had hoped to get back and finish it but I have not had a minute until know 8 days later! .. So much has happened, my life has changed so drastically since my New Years post.. Christmas seems like some eerie distant memory.. and the happenings since feel so surreal.. Dinner is in the oven and I have shut the door to the computer room, to hide for just a minute. Hopefully I can finish this post before the dinner starts to smoulder...
There are somethings that can never prepare you for the Butterfly effect the name of a movie perhaps but no less real.. Do you believe in that, the Butterfly Effect? How tiny or not so tiny variations can affect giant systems, well I do, the cosmic web, if you touch one strand the ripples are felt by so many, and on January the 11th around 10.30pm, those strands where stroked and the ripple hit us near 11 hours later.
As some of you may know my beloved and I have both been previously married, and we both have children from these prior unions.. mine are 26 and 27 and his are just young at 10 and 13 they have been living with their Mum.. my mans ex wife.. There little lives forever changed along with ours that morning 12th of January.. when Robert rung my cell phone crying.. "can you come quick please, Mummy is dead" he had already called an ambulance..She has suffered for the longest time with mental illness, and until the Coronial Investigators release there findings, we will not know for sure how she passed, but many of us know in our hearts.. Nothing ever prepares you for this..
There was never a moments doubt that the children would go anywhere but home with us, and that's where they are.. for reasons unbeknown to us, the house (where they lived) is already being sorted/cleared out (far to soon in my books).. so we have been moving the kids clothes, treasures and numerous amounts of "I really need that" down to our house as well as organising their new bedrooms. The walls have stretched in our home to embrace - two kids, a fish, a bird, a bunny and and hermit crab called *pinchey*
I have encountered hard things in my life before, and this is right up there with the hardest.. my heartbreaks when these two wonderful kids ask me why, or tell me it's not fair, or when they say how they feel guilty that they miss thier Mum but feel happy with us and then there are those nights when I have listened to a 13 year old boy yell in anger, rant and sob for his mother while sitting on the floor of the shower.. I am so grateful to the Guardians of the West, the Element of Water and how it cocoons and comforts him, as it hears him vent his emotions and then carries them away in a gentle stream. The night the kids Mum passed over, I lifted my arms to the Moon and asked her to give me strength to let go of any feelings that were negative and of no use to us as a new family, for the strength to raise these two children as my own..to show them all the love and compassion I could.. to teach them to be all they could be and to walk in love on Mother Earth.. It has been 10 days since that night... tomorrow is the funeral and as one door closes another opens - and while it is hard and painful at present, many have said good things will come from this for the kids.. I trust the Goddess they are right.. I thank her for all things, even those which I do not understand..


hippymummy said...

May our Mother Goddess bless those two little babea (as you're right of course, that's what they are)and give them the strength to deal with something they should never've been put through at their tender age. A friend of mine took her life 10 years ago when her kids were 8,6 and 3 when they were alone in the house with her. Such a terrible thing for those precious babes to have seen, and yet, those 3 little babies are so strong now, beautiful young adults. their mam was suffering from mental health issues too and their lives had never had any balance or reason They never knew what was going to ha[ppen next. When my friend killed herself i was just SO angry with her. I can remember very clearly crying out, asking how she could've done this to them. Do you know what our mothers reply was? She said that my friend had been unhappy and sick for a very long time so she had taken her back to herself to give her spirit the peace it needed before it could even begin to heal. Those children loved their mama dearly but the life that they were leading was not a happy one and now they would live with their father who would give them all the help that they needed to heal and grow.Today those kid're a credit to him, the happiness on their faces is a joy to behold.
What i'm trying to say here, in my usual around the house 15 times way is that these boys mama needed peace to heal? Maybe when the Goddess brought you and your beloved together therereally WAS a bigger picture than the one you saw? Maybe you are the lady to help those kids heal again? It wont happen in a day, there'll be plenty of bad days without a doubt BUT,and i really do believe this, the gods don't set us challenges that we can't overcome. They are of course challenges, pretty tough ones some days without a doubt but with her guidance and their dads love and support, our mother obviously thinks that you and your man are the best, and only, people for the job. I'll be thinking of you all xXx

splashfish said...

This post really worked up the tears. I am not really good with words, it is difficult to express all that is in my heart, but I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and your family and wishing you all great joy and happiness.

Blessings to you from the depth of my heart.

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