Can you hear it...

Shhhhhhhhhsh.. Listen.. can you hear it? No? nor can I *smiles* isn't it grand. The house is silent, oh I have missed that.. sounds a tiny bit selfish but I do miss the quiet times, when there is no one here but me and my wee dog... It feels restful, something I have not been getting enough of, over the last month or so.
I bit the bullet yesterday and rung the Woman's Health Service and after speaking to someone for assessment they decided to see me today, so off I went to counselling.. Why? Well I do not feel I have been coping all that well over the last 18 months, starting with my surgically induced menopause (and my decision last November not to continue with HRT) ..
To be honest at times lately my self-esteem and confidence has bottomed out, I feel a little overwhelmed and angry I guess, at the fact my life as I knew it, the dreams and aspirations I/we had as a couple have had to go by the by for the next 7 or 8 years perhaps longer.. No I do not blame the children and I would have them no where else than with us.. and while I know guilt is a wasted emotion, at times that is what I feel for feeling this sense of loss when they have lost their Mum.
I was stared toward the Woman's Health Service via the Navy surprisingly, and it could not have worked out better..
This councellor asked if I blogged and this surprised me, then a lot she said really did in a good way, she suggested I share my feelings more and expressed how I felt here in a more open manner..heck I am not sure you all could handle that..lol.. But this beautiful Crone really understood, after telling me she thought that I do not give myself enough love or compassion..
replied to me when I said to her "I was looking forward to the new beginnings age brings but feel I have lost that now" her reply was "I can feel the sadness - that you feel at the thought of having been pulled back from the journey you were beginning into the Wintertime of your life and being hijacked into Motherhood again.. " when she said this I near choked. She then asked if I had a spiritual side.. when I told her that I was a Pagan and followed a Goddess path, she smiled as she cupped her own face as if it was mine and quietly told me, "Honour yourself, remember the beautiful Crone you are becoming" She told me to use it as an affirmation..and I think I might stick it on my bathroom mirror for my *fat and blah days* she did suggest I read "The woman who runs with Wolves" so that is on my to read list.
Oh Goddess, Bless this woman for her wisdom and encouragement to me this day - and I thank you for allowing her into my life this day.

Bram and Friends

I am feeling a tad shattered tonight. Today has been a day, one where my get up and go, got up and went, but without me! And I am not entirely sure why I got left behind.. however I have decided it was a good time to post some of the photos I have been asked for, those of My Green man and Woman, and a few fae folk.. I hope you enjoy..

Oh isn't she beautiful, I so love her and was excited to actually find one, I love my Greenman but she is a little special.
My handsome Greenman, who watches over my garden from his home on the wall.. we have a shortage of trees or he would be hung from one.

My wee Tommy Knocker, isn't he wonderful. Now rumour has it, these wee folk inhabited the Welsh mines, and when the child miners got frightened by the strange noises and the dark, they were told, it was nothing to fret over it was just The Tommy Knockers playing games and throwing stones. They will always keep you safe in the dark.

This is Bram a tree protecting Elf.. I haven't yet got a photo of his friend Nudd.

Here at last is Nudd... He is a sweetie.. although I wish there were established trees here for them!
Hmmmm.. Naughty gnomes, astounded frogs, lazy wee turtles... this was going to be the fairy garden, however as my yard has the four corners marked with a symbol of each element. The bird bath is now in the West quarter. This garden area as of last week, now has a dragon residing here, being that it is the direction of North (fire down here in Ozzieland)
It has sort of turned into a garden of mischief really.. perhaps if it wasn't for the dragon keeping them all in check it would indeed be a mischievous place.. I love this little area and it is a place my eye is always drawn too. It is also the only place my little Vinca flowers will grow...

I have been night stand tagged!

I was tagged by A Witches Way yesterday, in something called The Nightstand Tag

Now I have never done one of these tag things before.. so have noooooooooo idea what I am doing..lol..

What I/you do is take a photo of your nightstand *cringe* (ya'all going to see my icky lampshade), because you can't rearrange, move or make pretty for the photo, it's just as it is right this minute.. then give a little explanation on whats all there.. lastly tag at least 10 other bloggers so they can do the same thing.. not sure I know 10 bloggers but here ya go.

1- A photo of my man :-)
2- My eBay lamp one of a matching pair, cost $10.00 but I seriously don't like the shade, 'cause it's to big

3-Nellie, she is more than a little stuffed Elephant and she has been all over New Zealand and Australia, and I soooooooooooo love her!

4- The phone

5-The clock

6- Books Im reading.. To Stir A Magick Cauldron by Silver RavenWolf it was a birthday present and the other one is a little devotional book called Hope.

Okay and now I have tagged: I need to find somemore..lol
Happy Hippy Madhouse

The Heathen Sanctuary

Hedgewitch Hollow

Do you remember when.....

Well an interesting wee turn of events for me here.. As many of you know I have become the step mum to two children,one who is a 10 year old girl. *smiles* she is the little one who came out into the kitchen a few weeks back with a tiny crescent moon stuck to her forehead.. She informed me tonight that she has had two periods.. goodness I hadnt thought that would be an issue to address for a year or two.

As a girl I had my first period when I was 9 years old, and I remembered how frightened I was.. In fact I was to scared to tell anyone, I also had no mother so when I seen my first blood stained panties I was terrified and threw them in to the bushes down the back of the farm.. This is not how I want it to be for this young lass.. Hers first came at school apparently and the school sent her home.. Her mother sadly was not a great support..

With one so young, I know presently there will be no regularity to the cycle at the moment, but I want it to be a special time for her. Something I never had as a young woman...
She mentioned this evening her mother keeping her home from school because she was *sick with a tummy ache* tonight when we where talking I told her that having a period didn't mean she was sick, it meant her body was changing and that it was a special thing.. I also told her when her next period came, I would help her...
What I would really like to do is, even if it is a school day even let her stay home. And perhaps her and I together have a wee ritual and celebration. A celebration of her. I was never able to haves this for myself, nor for my own daughter who at 27 still has a *special day* for herself on the anniversary of her first menses.. If any of you have an idea how we can celebrate this, in way a girl who is just 10 going on 30 can understand, I would love to hear them...

Both my *new* children know I am a witch and are very interested, in fact the last full moon the kids, seeing me getting candles etc ready, asked what I was doing, and whn told, bought me their crystals to me, to put out under the full moon.. So I am excited to think I may have witchlings..lol.. My poor man whose children they are, burst our laughing when he saw an order I had made for a book called "Circle Round: Raising Children in Goddess Traditions" ... He rubbed his hands like Golem, from Lord of the Rings.. And whispered into my ear *My precious'es*.. Bless Him!
All joking aside, I would love some ideas and guidance on this.. For a little daughter of the Goddess and a 13 year old boy, who feels to me. as old as time..

The Goddess is Alive

Moon shines down upon a sea of Light,
Shifting sands lay singing in the Heart of the Night.
I looked upon a scene that gripped me to the core,
White-clad maidens below were dancing on the shore.
Sweet sounds slipped from moon-lit throats,
Wind whipped hair abound,
Lit by the light within and without,
The Women circled 'round.
As I stood, water engulfed my feet,
My body swayed to your Heavenly Heart beat.
Wind and wave and fire light,
Paled in my mind Earthly delight.
Time slipped by me as you held your embrace,
And windblown spray covered my face.
Protected deep within your Womb,
I could feel the tender pain of Life's bloom.
Candles flared high as the Dance progressed,
Deep inside with a healing touch you blessed.
All around, wind, wave and fire shouted of your life,
Your light speared deep within, soothing my strife.
Divine Mother, Goddess of Light,
To you I come seeking protection from the night.
Come home to shelter within your arm,
Surrounded by Love, hidden from harm.
Holy Mother, Queen of Heaven and Earth, From you we all trace our Birth.
Heavenly Goddess, light from above,
Shine down upon us, we pray for your Love.

Anon

Hope

This little Koala has become the face of the fires that have swept through my home state of Victoria over the last few days... Many of you may have seen this on news clips around the world, but to me it is a cute Koala, who is hurting and turning to a human, unfortuantely to her a predator, the koala has seriously burnt paws, and reached out to the firey because his were cold and wet and were soothing to her.. Little Sam will be returned to the wild in a few months... thank the Goddess for her life..I have to admit I was surprised at how quick the video made it to You Tube..when the little video was in fact made for the fire fighters daughter to show her that not all the animals perished...

A Sad Day for Australia

While I'm not Australian born my heart breaks for the carnage in Victoria, Australia.
Australia is now my home, and Victoria is my home state and it has been for many years. We (as a nation) are all shocked and saddened by what's happening there. I am safe now on the West Coast, we moved here from *the fire area* just 12 weeks ago, so much of what has burnt is known to us, places our friends live, places we have had holiday's, built precious memories and spent family time.. The little country town Warragul where Sarah first lived after immigrating from New Zealand, only just survived due to a late wind change yesterday, her best friend has told her. Last night my fav place in Victoria where Derek and I spent many pleasant days, has lost building and one life but was for the most part spared.. I am so grateful that Healsville Wildlife Sanctuary was spared, this wildlife sanctuary stole my heart when I was there and we have the most fond memories of hugging the animals and learning how they exist in the wild.
Thank the Goddess my daughter is safe 50 to 60km away in Melbourne, I received an email from her yesterday saying, she was just leaving to go to the red cross to give blood, her boss who is a Red Cross member has just left work to go into the fire zone.
One of the main fire zones is not to far from where we lived, it is horrific. Last year there were huge bush fires, the smoke blanketed us for weeks, we couldn't open windows or doors, hang out laundry and those with respiratory ailments had no relief depending on the wind direction, but this is different, much closer to home. This country is dry and vast, often drought stricken Victoria has been suffering drought for near 12 years now and it along with New South Wales is very, very prone to this *bush fire season* sadly more than half are lit deliberately and presently the Government is trying to change legislation, to charge the arsonists with murder! For as I type the death toll has tonight to close to 200 hundred people.
While the loss is huge there is a tiny wee spark of renewal in it all, since this country is a harsh land much of the bush and forest has learnt to adapt and overcome such fires., most of the native trees here need hot fires to rejuvenate. The seed pods do not germinate except under ferocious heat to crack the seed pods... so for so many plants, no fire no life. It can be hard to understand at times.
Do please keep Victoria *The Garden State* in your thoughts, also the families who still can not find their loved ones, the policem, firefighters, Red Cross and volunteers who are working around the clock to get this all under control.. The fire is burning maybe 70km from where we ussed to live, we still have friends there. Yes it is heartbreaking, yet this is a strong nation and I am sure the *can do* attitude will overcome..but it is still a country who could use your support and prayers.
Blessed Be