Salmon Gums and Blessings

I am glad today has drawn to an end, and we can re-coop and move forward.. Derek and I are both emotionally exhausted, he fell asleep in a chair this evening and I have only ever seen that happen once in all the time we have been together.. The last 11 days has felt like a dream looking back, I do not recall the last time I have felt quiet this weary..
Joanne's funeral was today, it felt very odd to be there - it would not have been an occasion I would have attended had it not be for the kids.. Both Derek and I were so very proud of them, they did so well and they both found the strength to stand in front of everyone and to pay tribute to their Mum.. The Goddess has truly watched over them this last 11 days.
As we followed the hearse through this wonderful old cemetery, I did have to curb the urge to gather dirt and stones *smiling* it is the witch in me you know, however it did make Derek smile, which was nice to see.. Freemantle Cemertery it is a very, very old and I felt the sense of the place and it was so beautifully serene, alive with the sounds of birds and the fragrant scent of the gums enveloped us, it was a wonderful place of peace and rest..
The service was held in the Crematorium *chapel* and when we got inside I was blessed to notice, the back wall of the chapel was all glass.. beyond the glass wall, a small garden with the most amazing large old, salmon gum tree residing in the middle, I love these gum trees and I have always felt such a bond with them, if one can feel bonded to a tree, I always enjoy touching them if I am outdoors and see them.. however I digress... as the words of the Eulogy where being spoken around me, they felt wrong to be falling on my ears so I focused on the beautiful pinkish bark thinking how wonderfully smooth and cool it must have felt, I imagined the roots going deep in to our Earth Mother, taking in nourishment and life giving back to us life giving oxygen.. I closed my eyes and envisioned that for myself.. my roots going deep into the Earth and drawing from her energy, feeling her comfort around me.. I am truly grateful for having been able to borrow today from this wonderful old tree.. and when I feel overwhelmed at the enormity of the change, I hope i can remember that tree and her strength.. I would like to thank all of you have taken a minute to send well wishes and thoughts..
HippyMum thank you for your words and inspiration, I felt so encouraged by your sharing.. it helped so much and I am so very greatful...
Blessings
Wendy

Babes, Birds, Bunnies and a Hermit Crab

I started to write this post on the 14th of January.. I saved it to draft and I had hoped to get back and finish it but I have not had a minute until know 8 days later! .. So much has happened, my life has changed so drastically since my New Years post.. Christmas seems like some eerie distant memory.. and the happenings since feel so surreal.. Dinner is in the oven and I have shut the door to the computer room, to hide for just a minute. Hopefully I can finish this post before the dinner starts to smoulder...
There are somethings that can never prepare you for the Butterfly effect the name of a movie perhaps but no less real.. Do you believe in that, the Butterfly Effect? How tiny or not so tiny variations can affect giant systems, well I do, the cosmic web, if you touch one strand the ripples are felt by so many, and on January the 11th around 10.30pm, those strands where stroked and the ripple hit us near 11 hours later.
As some of you may know my beloved and I have both been previously married, and we both have children from these prior unions.. mine are 26 and 27 and his are just young at 10 and 13 they have been living with their Mum.. my mans ex wife.. There little lives forever changed along with ours that morning 12th of January.. when Robert rung my cell phone crying.. "can you come quick please, Mummy is dead" he had already called an ambulance..She has suffered for the longest time with mental illness, and until the Coronial Investigators release there findings, we will not know for sure how she passed, but many of us know in our hearts.. Nothing ever prepares you for this..
There was never a moments doubt that the children would go anywhere but home with us, and that's where they are.. for reasons unbeknown to us, the house (where they lived) is already being sorted/cleared out (far to soon in my books).. so we have been moving the kids clothes, treasures and numerous amounts of "I really need that" down to our house as well as organising their new bedrooms. The walls have stretched in our home to embrace - two kids, a fish, a bird, a bunny and and hermit crab called *pinchey*
I have encountered hard things in my life before, and this is right up there with the hardest.. my heartbreaks when these two wonderful kids ask me why, or tell me it's not fair, or when they say how they feel guilty that they miss thier Mum but feel happy with us and then there are those nights when I have listened to a 13 year old boy yell in anger, rant and sob for his mother while sitting on the floor of the shower.. I am so grateful to the Guardians of the West, the Element of Water and how it cocoons and comforts him, as it hears him vent his emotions and then carries them away in a gentle stream. The night the kids Mum passed over, I lifted my arms to the Moon and asked her to give me strength to let go of any feelings that were negative and of no use to us as a new family, for the strength to raise these two children as my own..to show them all the love and compassion I could.. to teach them to be all they could be and to walk in love on Mother Earth.. It has been 10 days since that night... tomorrow is the funeral and as one door closes another opens - and while it is hard and painful at present, many have said good things will come from this for the kids.. I trust the Goddess they are right.. I thank her for all things, even those which I do not understand..

A New Year Dawns

While many of us celebrated our Pagan New Year at Beltane, today is the Calender New Year and as we have non Pagan family members we always welcome the year in. So come Midnight we were outdoors quietly greeting the New Year .. well as quietly as it could be with the two younger kids aged 10 and 13 being egged on by the 26 year old kid ( I wonder if people still take offence at that term *kid*) It was 2.15 am when we headed to bed.. Funnily one of the things I miss from my youth is the ability to sleep in past 6.30am.. today I made it to 7am and thought gee's girl you rock!, the house was blissfully quiet but knowing it wouldn't last, we did something we haven't done in a very very long time.. we rounded up the dog and went to the beach.. I'm not sure who was more surprised me, my man or the dog.
We have been having 100 degree temperatures the last few days, but magically the mornings dawn cool so with a slight off shore breeze it incredibly so refreshing.. Have you ever seen the Indian ocean on a prefect summer morning? Well until this morning nor had I and it was nothing short of breath taking. The sky and the ocean met in the middle of my vision and it was defined by just the slightest colour difference, it was stunning.. Mister P my wee dog, had his first ocean swim, which was so funny to watch, I think he had no idea what would happen when he ran out into the water only to find his paws where no longer on Terra firma.. the look on his little face was priceless- He is only knee high to a grasshopper and a very sensitive wee soul, so it was a major achievement for him, I only wish I had the camera..
Taking time out this morning was just what I needed, time to reconnect with the Goddess and the Elements - walking along the sand, I could really feel myself becoming more grounded and peaceful, with the caress of the waves on my legs washing away the sadness and negativity of the past week, the breeze gently blowing through my hair and clearing my mind, the heat from the sun lifting my spirits and rejuvenating me... and with this came a special time to really re-connect with my man, he has also been under so much pressure of late, it was such a joy to be able to walk hand in hand with him and just feel the serenity of the morning. The Goddess is good and she always leads us to where we need to be, including an hour on the beach.. I thank Her for Her goodness, Her bounty, Her teachings and Her love.. for even when it feels like we are alone in the darkness, she is there guiding us with her flaming torch.
Blessed Be

Good Bye 2008

Well in a few short hours 2008 will be gone forever, I would like to add good riddance but I won't for I would like to think I have spiritually grown past that, and while it has been emotionally the hardest year I have endured in many, and an incident that happened on Christmas that affected our whole family really put the icing on the cake so to speak, yet I have also been Blessed as well.. so I will list a few of them here and be comforted by the fact that Hecate looks after her own.

My son married his sweetheart and he grew up so much.
I became a Nana for the first time to my wee grandson - Corben James William
My daughter moved home temporarily and I got to spend a wonderful 5 months with her, before we found out we were moving Interstate.
I truly accepted I am a Daughter of the Goddess as I recognised Hestia and Hecate working in my life.
I/we received what we needed, when I stopped struggling and said thank you for what I ALREADY had.
Returning to the country of my birth I realised my ties where no longer there and I was free to move on.
I also learnt that I don't need to feel guilty and keep people in my life who treat me or mine badly.

Before I close this last post for 2008, I would like to share something with you all... It is a story of Cherokee Wisdom which helped me put the last year in perspective.
There was an Indian Chief who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest.., in turn.., to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away. The first son went in the Winter, the second in the Spring, the third in Summer, and the youngest son in the Fall.When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen. The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.The second son said 'no' it was covered with green buds and full of promise.The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful. It was the most graceful thing he had ever seen. The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up. If you give up when it's Winter, you will miss the promise of your Spring, the beauty of your Summer, the fulfillment of your Fall.Moral:
Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest. Don't judge life by one difficult season. Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come.

As 2008 closes it's doors and 2009 dawns for us all, May the Goddess hold each and everyone of you close and her Blessings be bountiful to, you and yours. May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night and a smooth road all the way to your door.

Unconditional Love

I would have to say, this has been the toughest year for me since I migrated to this country... With my only son getting married in another country and us not being able to attend, followed by my daughter in law developing Postpartum Cardiomyopathy,while delivering our first Grandchild prematurely, I was already on an International flight to get to my son's side, when my little grandson developed such a serious infection that we were told to prepare for the worse, just when it was looking up, his larynx collapsed. Amidst all of this he was suffering serious side effects from the medication his mother was on, thank the Goddess for a very switched on nurse who picked up on it! We had a few months reprieve before my Rheumatoid Arthritis came out of remission and we had to move over here to Western Australia.. So it has been a pretty tough year, topped off by an incident on Christmas Night that has left me feeling pretty disillusioned and somewhat un-trusting..( due to it's nature I am not feeling OK to share it in a blog) so for the last for days I have been feeling a cross between depressed and plain blimmin angry, but you know, kids can be amazing - be it little kids or big kids.. I opened my email a little earlier and found a poem my *big* daughter had sent, written by Roger Pinchers.. it reads like this:

YOU ARE LOVED:
When the road seems too long - When darkness sets in, when everything turns out wrong
And you can't find a friend Remember ~ you are loved
When smiles are hard to come by - And you're feeling down when you spread your wings to fly
And can't get off the ground Remember ~ you are loved.
When time runs out before you're through - And it's over before you begin
when little things get to you and you just can't win Remember ~ you are loved.
When your loved ones are far away and you are on your own
When you don't know what to say, when you're afraid of being alone Remember ~ you are loved.
When your sadness comes to an end, and everything is going right may you think of your family and friends and keep their love in sight a thank-you for being loved.
May you see the love around you in everything you do, and when troubles seem to surround you
May all the love shine through - You are blessed ~ you are loved.

It made me cry, well I am a Mother and we do that stuff.. then I went to my gmail account and found another she posted for me on MySpace..

A MOTHER'S LOVE:
A Mother's love is something that no one can explain,
It is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain,
It is endless and unselfish and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it or take that love away . . .
It is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking,
And it never fails or falters even though the heart is breaking . .
It believes beyond believing when the world around condemns,
And it glows with all the beauty of the rarest, brightest gems . . .
It is far beyond defining,it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret like the mysteries of creation . . .
A many splendoured miracle man cannot understand
And another wondrous evidence of God's tender guiding hand.
~Helen Steiner Rice~

Sarah my adult daughter is such a Blessing to me, she is a beautiful, smart, funny and thoughtful woman, we do not share the same beliefs but she respects and tries to understand mine, and I hers. I could not want a better daughter and I am so happy that we are able to love each other unconditionally and I am so Blessed she understands..

A work of art

Wow, things have moved up a gear being this close to *Christmas* Yesterday was Summer Solstice for us down here, and I felt so blessed to have been able to take some time to go and give thanks for all that it meant to me.. before rushing off to pick my daughter up from the airport.
So the house has been so busy, I have felt some guilt at not following my normal daily devotion time. However today while checking my email, I found this wonderful wee snippet and I thought to pass it on to you all. As I am entering my Crone years, admittedly at times - with a bit of a struggle, I found this piece of writing to be very truthful and touching.. I hope each of you have had a Blessed Solstice no matter which hemishpere you dwell, and that your holiday season is a safe one.

Sister Mary Gemma Brunke has so beautifully written:
"It is the old apple trees that are decked with the loveliest blossoms. It is the ancient redwoods that rise to majestic heights. It is the old violins that produce the richest tones. It is the aged wine that tastes the sweetest. It is ancient coins, stamps and furniture that people seek. It is the old friends that are loved the best. Thank God for the blessings of age and the wisdom, patience and maturity that go with it. Old is wonderful!"
"Beautiful people are acts of nature," it has been said, "but beautiful old people are works of art."

I hope someday to be a work of art..

Is it really Jolly?

Well the holiday season is truly upon us, the season to be jolly... families and friends gather to celebrate, share gifts and feast together.. The celebrations are named many things depending on your beliefs and traditions. One holiday tradition I am noticing more as the years pass, is the tradition of irritable parents, frazzled shoppers, rude people, crying children and arguing couples.. and this is all at the local mall!
Saturday morning dawned sunny and bright, so we decided to head off to the local mall nice and early to finish a few last minute errands. Well nice and early turned into mid morning and by the time we got there, the place was rocking.
It all started well for us, but as the morning progressed I started to feel little hot and bothered, a question was asked me and I really felt agitated by it - biting back the need to snap the answer.. then the power went off.. Nooo it wasn't me I had nothing to do with it (least I don't think so) lol.. masses of people filed out of the shops, jamming the walkways - so we decided to leave.. Now I am not claustrophobic but when I got outside, my man turned to me and said, "gee's your sucking in the big ones".. I hadn't noticed to be honest until he mentioned it - Big cleansing breaths.. why? Because I had just walked out of a place filled with a number of people none to jolly.. Have you ever noticed that? Becoming totally smothered by the negative energy of the rushing throngs and the noise of the squabbling and impatience.
It is kind of sad, that so many people bow to the pressure of advertising company's, feeling the need to compete with Joe Blogs gift from last year, or turkey size .. blowing credit card limits and budgets for the sake of appearances all leading to the reasons for the season being left far behind. Don't get me wrong I have so been there myself and ended up not quiet as jolly as I should have been..
As I walk along this Pagan path though, I feel blessed to be learning to get back to basics, to realise that people are more important than things. I am blessed to know that each day is a celebration and is sacred to me. I am learning that the greatest gifts I can give are not material but things of myself.. love, friendship, trust, understanding, hope, knowledge, joy, wisdom.
Do I still buy gifts? of course I do but the pressure to *compete with the relatives* has been replaced and each gift is bought with love and forethought..
Our shopping trip? well we came home, ate a quiet lunch, centered and went back out.. to a mall with power and with my own energy source intact again.
Bright Blessings