Jan 31, 2009

A Crone's Tale

Tonight, it is 10.48pm, and I am really to tired, exhausted is probably a better term for it, to write a "personal" blog, however this came to me yesterday and I so loved it.... Can you go from approaching Mother/Crone back to Mother? I am not sure.. maybe I can still combine the two so the kids get the best of both woman *smiles* well whatever it really gave me warm fuzzies to read so for today this is what I have to share... Before I realised the Crone aspect wasn't all doom and gloom she scared the willies out of me.. no more however and Bless Her, there is not much about the Crone that doesn't make me feel *embraced*

A crone's Tale:
As I walk quietly down the road, winds rustle the now dried leaves across my path. There is a chill now in the air that laces its fingers lightly around my shoulders. I pull my shawl tighter around me. Lamas has come and gone and Samhain fast approaches. The fields are furrowed under save for a few patches of squash and some very large pumpkins. It is very quiet and still. A hush has fallen over the land. Birds are silent and there is a hint of burning leaves in the air. Soon the snow will fly and the dark times will begin. A time for mending, sewing, preserving and of course for gathering of family and friends now has come and is welcome after the work of spring planting and autumn harvest. We will sit about the hearth. All will be dark and cold except by the fire. The children will snuggle close together by their mother's feet. Warm cider will be passed around and the men will light their pipes. It is now the story time will begin. The time for telling tales of old and perhaps a few of new, tales that were told over many generations, tales of heroism, of love and best of all stories of magick. The brave deeds done by others and the evil deeds done by their foes will widen the children's eyes with great anticipation of the ending. There will also be great and hardy laughter of ones foolish merriment perhaps not so long ago. This is a time now for rest and we will enjoy these dark days as best we can for after Yule the Spring is sure to follow and fields will again be tilled and planted, and of course Beltane will bring the maidens to wed. Summer will shine with its driving heat. The late summer will bring back the start of the harvest once more. Men will be reaping the crops and women will be drying pickling and preserving. At Lamas we will again give thanks and then full circle, it will be Samhain once more. Ah yes, the Wheel of the Year keeps turning. Seeds are sown, crops are harvested, old ones die and babes are born. I feel these years in my bones. They ache with the weight of the years and stiffen with the cold. But I still continue. I must now teach my children and their children the ways of the Ancient Ones. I must point them to the path and pray to the Goddess they follow wisely. Ah, here it is. The tree I came to see and touch. This friend was planted when I was born. It is a strong tree and will be on this earth longer than I. It will be here to shelter travelers from the sun and be home for some small creatures of the forest. How are you my old companion? Your bark is old and rough much like my skin I should think, but all the wisdom you have gathered all these many cycles and turnings of the Wheel. We have shared many stories these long years together.We have seen many come and go, many joys and much sadness as well. As I touch you I can feel the life of many years and the warmth of your brave and strong spirit within you.I should like to stay here through the dark days, but we know I cannot and you must sleep now. Well my old friend, I must turn back for home. Sleep well and safe through the dark days and I shall return in the Spring. At that I turned to walk back down the long pathway to home, when it seemed to me, as the wind slipped through his bare branches, I could hear him softly reply, "Rest well old Crone and return to me in Spring."
A tale by Niamh ©

Jan 28, 2009

Lost track of time

The new school year starts here on Monday and we have been frantically trying to get the kids enrolled in to the best schools possible for them, we have had to fight the red tape to get them into good schools rather than the ones deemed to us by Government Zoning (grrrrrrr) a battle we actually won.. Friday we have to get them both new uniforms and books.. how prices have changed since my lot were in High School, I near fell over when I added it all up.
Unfortunately we are trying to organise what many parents have had all of the summer break to achieve and when I looked, all the pre-loved uniforms have pretty much gone. Now all I have to do is put a brick on each of their heads to stop them getting any taller and growing out of them.
I looked at the calender this morning and realised it has only been 16 days since the kids came to us, but it feels like a lifetime has flown by. One day rolls into the other and often I feel like I have not achieved much in my day, but in reality I know that's not true..
I felt a little guilty today when I realised that in 4 days it will be Lammas (Lughnasadh) this is one of my favourite festival/rituals and yet I have not one thing organised, my Altar is not decorated and that makes me feel a little annoyed at myself. I will seek out some bits and pieces and see what I can do.
My veg patch hasn't been in but a month or two and learning to grow vegetables in near pure sand in 100 degree temperatures has been a challenge so far! So on Sunday I will bake some fresh bread and try to get out to the farmers market for some seasonal vege's mainly some sweetcorn and new potatoes. I am sure I can come up with a suitable celebratory meal with this as the basis along with the bread. *smiling*
I am actually feeling better for having written this.. We have felt challenges of late, and all the while the Goddess has continued her blessings us, unorganised I may be at the moment but ungrateful I am not.. For Lammas is about Celebrations, Thanksgiving and Sacrifice and how much has that been like my life in the last few weeks.. I am feeling the little pricks of excitement at the thought of my hands into the wheat dough of the bread as I knead it, remembering to be open to the seasons, to become one with their energies and to be thankful for the abundance in my life.

Jan 26, 2009

Phrase's and Oddities

I have to apologise for the phrase *little guys* .. many of you have thought I have two step sons.. nope.. was my bad.. I have a 10 year old girl and a 13 year old boy.. the term *guys* often down here refers to either gender... you guys can be a group of mixed sex.. sooooooooooo that was my bad sorry...
Anyways, I went to Miss Courtney's bedroom to tell her it was time for lights out and found quiet the oddity..
Funnily, my wee dog Mister P had no issue at all with the situation I found him in and well Courtney didn't seem to mind either.. but there is something seriously wrong with this picture..

Jan 25, 2009

I so love giggles!

Oh thank the Goddess - today has been normal, yes there was been one tiny kiddie melt down that got sorted really quick, yet I still managed to clean my house top to bottom for the first time in weeks. I baked Oatmeal cookies and Courtney helped me roll cookie dough, she was so ecstatic at being allowed to help, my heart ached for a minute at her enthusiasm. Both the kids rode their bikes around the neighbourhood several times during the day, it is the first time in months they have wanted to ride so they said.. Robert bought two new Hermit crabs and called them Albert and Einstein while at the same shop, Derek bought me two wonderful plagues I have been looking at buying forever to put on the garden wall - The Green Man and The Green Woman (I sooooo love these)
The kids cracked themselves up over something silly one of them said while eating lunch outside, they rolled around on the lawn laughing for 15 minutes unable to contain themselves. I made a roast chicken with all the trimmings for dinner and the kids thought it was wonderful. I planted some new herbs after dinner, Derek has been trying to understand how I ever raised teenagers, my own two plus two foster kids and managed to survive.. He keeps looking at me today like I am slightly nuts but keeps whispering "yanno I really, really love you.." I cleaned my altar, burnt incense and purple candles and truly thanked the Goddess for my life and her support..
It may have been 11 years since I have been a full time Mum.. but today felt normal.. yes the kids can be noisy and full on, but hey, they where happy, they where laughing and this evening they came to me gave me a hug and said : "We are glad we are living with you" Goddess Bless these babes, I hope through thick and thin, they may always feel this way...Because tomorrow they may turn into gremlins as kids do and I will wonder where today went..*smiles*

Jan 24, 2009

Thought For The Day

"Our true enemies, as well as our true sources of strength, lie within."

The Goddess put inside the human being the secrets to the laws of life. We usually know this is true even though we may not know what these laws are. If something goes wrong with our lives, we usually fix the blame on something outside of ourselves. We tend to give up accountability. One way or another we say, "It's not my fault." We need to realize that all permanent and lasting change starts on the inside and works its way out. If it's meant to be, it is up to me.

Oh Great Spirit, let me realize fully that my problems are of my own making. Therefore, so are the solutions
I am sorry I do not know where this orginally came from, but after reading it in a group to which it was sent, felt very real to me..

Jan 22, 2009

Salmon Gums and Blessings

I am glad today has drawn to an end, and we can re-coop and move forward.. Derek and I are both emotionally exhausted, he fell asleep in a chair this evening and I have only ever seen that happen once in all the time we have been together.. The last 11 days has felt like a dream looking back, I do not recall the last time I have felt quiet this weary..
Joanne's funeral was today, it felt very odd to be there - it would not have been an occasion I would have attended had it not be for the kids.. Both Derek and I were so very proud of them, they did so well and they both found the strength to stand in front of everyone and to pay tribute to their Mum.. The Goddess has truly watched over them this last 11 days.
As we followed the hearse through this wonderful old cemetery, I did have to curb the urge to gather dirt and stones *smiling* it is the witch in me you know, however it did make Derek smile, which was nice to see.. Freemantle Cemertery it is a very, very old and I felt the sense of the place and it was so beautifully serene, alive with the sounds of birds and the fragrant scent of the gums enveloped us, it was a wonderful place of peace and rest..
The service was held in the Crematorium *chapel* and when we got inside I was blessed to notice, the back wall of the chapel was all glass.. beyond the glass wall, a small garden with the most amazing large old, salmon gum tree residing in the middle, I love these gum trees and I have always felt such a bond with them, if one can feel bonded to a tree, I always enjoy touching them if I am outdoors and see them.. however I digress... as the words of the Eulogy where being spoken around me, they felt wrong to be falling on my ears so I focused on the beautiful pinkish bark thinking how wonderfully smooth and cool it must have felt, I imagined the roots going deep in to our Earth Mother, taking in nourishment and life giving back to us life giving oxygen.. I closed my eyes and envisioned that for myself.. my roots going deep into the Earth and drawing from her energy, feeling her comfort around me.. I am truly grateful for having been able to borrow today from this wonderful old tree.. and when I feel overwhelmed at the enormity of the change, I hope i can remember that tree and her strength.. I would like to thank all of you have taken a minute to send well wishes and thoughts..
HippyMum thank you for your words and inspiration, I felt so encouraged by your sharing.. it helped so much and I am so very greatful...

Jan 21, 2009

Babes, Birds, Bunnies and a Hermit Crab

I started to write this post on the 14th of January.. I saved it to draft and I had hoped to get back and finish it but I have not had a minute until know 8 days later! .. So much has happened, my life has changed so drastically since my New Years post.. Christmas seems like some eerie distant memory.. and the happenings since feel so surreal.. Dinner is in the oven and I have shut the door to the computer room, to hide for just a minute. Hopefully I can finish this post before the dinner starts to smoulder...
There are somethings that can never prepare you for the Butterfly effect the name of a movie perhaps but no less real.. Do you believe in that, the Butterfly Effect? How tiny or not so tiny variations can affect giant systems, well I do, the cosmic web, if you touch one strand the ripples are felt by so many, and on January the 11th around 10.30pm, those strands where stroked and the ripple hit us near 11 hours later.
As some of you may know my beloved and I have both been previously married, and we both have children from these prior unions.. mine are 26 and 27 and his are just young at 10 and 13 they have been living with their Mum.. my mans ex wife.. There little lives forever changed along with ours that morning 12th of January.. when Robert rung my cell phone crying.. "can you come quick please, Mummy is dead" he had already called an ambulance..She has suffered for the longest time with mental illness, and until the Coronial Investigators release there findings, we will not know for sure how she passed, but many of us know in our hearts.. Nothing ever prepares you for this..
There was never a moments doubt that the children would go anywhere but home with us, and that's where they are.. for reasons unbeknown to us, the house (where they lived) is already being sorted/cleared out (far to soon in my books).. so we have been moving the kids clothes, treasures and numerous amounts of "I really need that" down to our house as well as organising their new bedrooms. The walls have stretched in our home to embrace - two kids, a fish, a bird, a bunny and and hermit crab called *pinchey*
I have encountered hard things in my life before, and this is right up there with the hardest.. my heartbreaks when these two wonderful kids ask me why, or tell me it's not fair, or when they say how they feel guilty that they miss thier Mum but feel happy with us and then there are those nights when I have listened to a 13 year old boy yell in anger, rant and sob for his mother while sitting on the floor of the shower.. I am so grateful to the Guardians of the West, the Element of Water and how it cocoons and comforts him, as it hears him vent his emotions and then carries them away in a gentle stream. The night the kids Mum passed over, I lifted my arms to the Moon and asked her to give me strength to let go of any feelings that were negative and of no use to us as a new family, for the strength to raise these two children as my own..to show them all the love and compassion I could.. to teach them to be all they could be and to walk in love on Mother Earth.. It has been 10 days since that night... tomorrow is the funeral and as one door closes another opens - and while it is hard and painful at present, many have said good things will come from this for the kids.. I trust the Goddess they are right.. I thank her for all things, even those which I do not understand..

Jan 1, 2009

A New Year Dawns

While many of us celebrated our Pagan New Year at Beltane, today is the Calender New Year and as we have non Pagan family members we always welcome the year in. So come Midnight we were outdoors quietly greeting the New Year .. well as quietly as it could be with the two younger kids aged 10 and 13 being egged on by the 26 year old kid ( I wonder if people still take offence at that term *kid*) It was 2.15 am when we headed to bed.. Funnily one of the things I miss from my youth is the ability to sleep in past 6.30am.. today I made it to 7am and thought gee's girl you rock!, the house was blissfully quiet but knowing it wouldn't last, we did something we haven't done in a very very long time.. we rounded up the dog and went to the beach.. I'm not sure who was more surprised me, my man or the dog.
We have been having 100 degree temperatures the last few days, but magically the mornings dawn cool so with a slight off shore breeze it incredibly so refreshing.. Have you ever seen the Indian ocean on a prefect summer morning? Well until this morning nor had I and it was nothing short of breath taking. The sky and the ocean met in the middle of my vision and it was defined by just the slightest colour difference, it was stunning.. Mister P my wee dog, had his first ocean swim, which was so funny to watch, I think he had no idea what would happen when he ran out into the water only to find his paws where no longer on Terra firma.. the look on his little face was priceless- He is only knee high to a grasshopper and a very sensitive wee soul, so it was a major achievement for him, I only wish I had the camera..
Taking time out this morning was just what I needed, time to reconnect with the Goddess and the Elements - walking along the sand, I could really feel myself becoming more grounded and peaceful, with the caress of the waves on my legs washing away the sadness and negativity of the past week, the breeze gently blowing through my hair and clearing my mind, the heat from the sun lifting my spirits and rejuvenating me... and with this came a special time to really re-connect with my man, he has also been under so much pressure of late, it was such a joy to be able to walk hand in hand with him and just feel the serenity of the morning. The Goddess is good and she always leads us to where we need to be, including an hour on the beach.. I thank Her for Her goodness, Her bounty, Her teachings and Her love.. for even when it feels like we are alone in the darkness, she is there guiding us with her flaming torch.
Blessed Be